Where Are You Free?

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Today I ended a study I was doing called "Living Beyond Yourself". It's by Beth Moore. If you have never experienced this woman, let me tell you...she is really powerful.
Today we concluded with talking about self control. The first thing I think about when I hear that topic is keeping my emotions (namely my patience and anger) in check. I used to have a terrible problem with getting angry very quickly and I have worked really hard to overcome that struggle.
But Beth took this discussion about self control to a whole other level that I never really expected:
Weight.
I want to take a few minutes and just share the things that were put on my heart after today.
Our culture is obsessed with appearance. We are completely media driven. As I've gotten older, I've become more aware at how sad it is that women are made to think there is a right and a wrong way to look. Right : Skinny while Wrong : "Fat".
I want to get this out there right now: my views, comments, and opinions are dealing strictly with ME and my body. I say these things based on my frame, my height and so on. Just because something isn't "ok" or doesn't work with me, doesn't mean that is a standard for anyone else.
I have always struggled with my self image and weight. When I was in middle school, and the

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beginning of high school, I became very "chubby" (as my mom called it). I remember getting my first pair of Charlotte Russe jeans (all the rage back then) and being so excited...until I put them on. They were a size 13 and I had to take them back and exchange them for a 15. I was made fun of, had barely any friends and was so sad. I decided to start eating in a VERY unhealthy way. I had an eating disorder. I would eat maybe a banana for lunch...only a can of green beans for dinner. I was starving myself. And by the time I hit 16, I was down to a size 0. Do I think some of the weight was puberty? Yes. But the things I did to get "skinny" were painful, restrictive and consumed my life.
To this day I always get scared of getting "fat" again. I try my best to eat healthy and stay in shape. I am not a size 0 anymore, but I feel good about my size. What I don't like is the guilt I feel after I eat something "naughty". I hate that I weigh myself almost every day to make sure I am staying relatively on track. I don't enjoy feeling bad about myself when I see rail thin celebrity staring at me in the grocery checkout line. This is not how we should live our lives ladies.
Today I heard a message that I think we all need to accept as truth: Your body is a lot more about freedom, than size.
Each of us is different. We all have different genes, body makeups and heights. You can't compare yourself to other people. You have to find out where you are happy...where YOU have freedom.
Am I free when I am counting calories and limiting myself to not enjoying foods that I love? No.Am I free when I am so overweight that I have no energy to play with my future kids or I'm too out of breath to hike with my husband? No.
I am not free at size 0 or 2. I am also not free at size 8 or 10. For me, my height, my physical activity level, and where I can still feel happy about my body and in my skin...right now I am free at a size 4.
At a size 4 I can eat well balanced meals, but still get a Chickfila milkshake here and there. At size 4, I can keep up with my Army husband's active lifestyle. At size 4, I can look at myself in the mirror and feel happy and content with me. Does that mean I don't have days where I feel "chunky"? No.
But figuring out where I am free has allowed me not to live in bondage to my physical image. It has given me the freedom to enjoy food and not obsess over everything that passes my lips from the minute I wake up until the second I go to bed. The biggest problem we share in this country is moderation. I do not believe in dieting and cutting out everything you find delicious and love. Because then what happens? You become so fixated on everything you can't have. Stop doing this to yourself!
I promise you that wherever you are free, you can still have a cookie this Friday night...but that doesn't mean go eat 24 oreos in one sitting.
I really encourage you to think about where you stand on all this. I think the majority of women struggle with this, even if they won't openly admit it. Just because I am free at size 4, does not mean that is for you. I can tell you right now my sister is free at 00 or 0. No matter what she does, she is just so tiny. I can also tell you that a good friend of mine is free at size 14. She has a genetic makeup, no matter how hard she tries, that is how her beautiful body was created. She is extremely healthy, eats probably even better than I do, but that is where her body was meant to be.
Don't be a slave to your outside image. Don't miss out on enjoying food or waste countless hours obsessing over the 3 pounds you can't seem to lose. I'm not saying be a glutton, but I'm also begging you to not lose amazing minutes of your life wishing you were something that you weren't meant to be.
When you set aside this struggle, accepting yourself for who you were meant to be, I promise you will experience such relief, such life, such amazing, overwhelming freedom.
So where are you free?

**I want to say that I know that I am pregnant and should be gaining weight during this phase of my life. This post is reflecting on my thoughts and life before and outside of pregnancy. I do not condone dieting or weight loss when a woman is pregnant."I've left the sunshine, sand, and small town, in exchange for rainy days, royalty, and romance."
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