The night max wore his liesure suit and planned mischief of one kind
and another
a woman at the bar called him wild thing and max said, “I’ll feel you up!” so he was slapped across the face and sent to the other end of the bar to drink alone.
That very night in max’s head, his attractiveness grew
and grew-
and grew until he had thick luxurious hair and the world revolved all around him
and a bartender happened by with a shot and a beer for max and he started to drink throughout the night
and in and out of minutes and hours and days until the bar filled up and became where the wild things are.
WAIT…
And when he finally looked up where the wild things are they flashed their tiny skirts and showed their beautiful teeth and batted their sparkly eyes and shook their curvy rumps
till max said “Be still!” and tamed them with the magic trick
of pulling out his wallet and opening a tab and buying rounds of shots until the wild things told him he was the most wild thing of all
and they made him king of all the wild things.
“And now,” cried max, let the rump shaking start!”
and they danced for hours.
“Now stop!” max said and sent the wild things off without another drink. And max king of all the wild things was lonely and horny and wanted to go home with someone–anyone, really–most of all.
Then all around from far away the world started to spin and his stomach began to churn so he gave up being king of where the wild things are.
But the wild things cried “Oh please don’t put away your wallet, we will pretend you are good looking and funny, we love your money so and Max said “No!”
The wild things flashed their tiny skirts and showed their beautiful teeth and batted their sparkly eyes and shook their curvy rumps but Max stood up and ran for the bathroom
and put his face in the toilet and emptied all his alcohol over an hour and in and out of minutes and through to closing time
until he walked out and sat back down at the spot where he began and found the same girl waiting for him
and she was still hot.
The End