Call me crazy, if you wish, but I've been thinking about marriage recently. A lot. Two of my best friends got married in December and I was part of the wedding. That was the third wedding I attended 2011, the eighth I was invited to. The list of weddings taking place this year is already in the double digits. My older sister is engaged and as the maid of honor, I get to be right there along her planning all the details. So marriage has been on my mind a lot, whether I wish it was or not.
I recently came across this rather humorous post by a friend of mine. It's a collection of all sorts of quotes about all sorts of topic relating to love and marriage. They range from love and marriage in general to kissing, strategies for making someone fall in love with you, what parents have in common, deciding who to marry, the best age to get married, and advice about love. The twist? All of these quotes are from children, ranging from age 5-10. Here's a couple of my favorites.On Love and Marriage:"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." — Glenn, age 7"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." — Manuel, age 8"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." — Tom, age 5"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I've been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." — Dave, age 8
On Kissing:"I know one reason kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." — Gina, age 8"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." — Curt, age 7"The rules goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It's the right thing to do." — Howard, age 8 Strategies for Making People Fall in Love with You:"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." — Del, age 6"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." — Alonzo, age 9
The Best Age to Get Married:"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person forever by then." — Cam, age 10
Good Advice About Love:"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!" — Ricky, age 7"Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love." — Erin, age 8"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." — Erin, age 8
But this one is one of my favorites, and it perfectly captures something that I've been trying to remind myself of for a long time...
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." — Kirsten, age 10Now, I wouldn't necessarily phrase my perspective about my spouse as the one you're "stuck with" because I don't believe God desires for us to be in unhappy marriages. That's not the purpose of marriage. The purpose of marriage is to reflect God, and it is clear from Genesis that man cannot reflect God while he is alone.
As a clarification, this is not to say that single people are not accurately reflecting God's character...that's what community is for. But anyway...back to marriage.
I've always known that I wanted to get married. Some people I know have waffled with the decision and figure they might get married eventually, but it's never really been a priority. It's always been an "if it happens, it happens" kind of thing for them. I was always the opposite. I didn't date in high school, but I figured I would meet my husband in college, we'd date for a time, get engaged during our senior year (or my senior year if he was older) and get married within a year of graduation. That is what I always assumed would happen. And that's what other people told me they expected to happen.
I can't even tell you how many people in my life have said, "Oh Sarah, just wait. You're gonna meet that one guy who's gonna fall madly in love with you and go, 'Why has no one ever realized how amazing you are before?!' and you're gonna get married and live happily ever after."
And of course, I figured it was only natural for that to happen right around the time I graduated from college.
So here I am, at 23-years-old, just barely over three months shy of being a college graduate for one year, and I'm nowhere close to that. And I admit, with all of my friends getting engaged left and right, it can get kind of frustrating at times. And by kind of I mean very frustrating.
I've certainly had my days when I've pitched a fit and yelled at God saying something to the effect of, "I don't want to be single so why am I still single?!"
I do believe that I will get married one day. Aside from my love for Christ, it has been my one consistent desire for my entire life. Everything else has changed, but I have always known that one day I want to get married and have a family. That's something I've never questioned. Ever. And I do not believe that God would put a good desire like the desire for marriage into my heart unless He intended to fulfill it at some point.
But I also realized something just the other day and it kind of threw me for a loop.
As much as I say I want to be married now and I'm tired of all my friends getting engaged becaues that's where I want to be but I'm not and I have no way to change that...
I'm not ready for marriage.
What?! Hold the phone! Sarah Hayes...the girl who's always wanted to get married...isnt' ready for marriage?!
That's right.
Because I'm not at the point in my life where I'm seriously considering marriage with any specific boy, it really caused me to think about what I want to do. Because, newflash, I have to support myself. Shocker. I know. And so I started thinking about what it is that I really love to do. If I had to support myself for the next five years or more, what would I want to spend that time doing?
Well, writing was an obvious part of the answer. I love to write, I always have loved to write, I always will love to write. This blog is clear evidence of that. But what else do I love?
I learned through my work as a section editor with The Captain's Log last year that I love design. One of my favorite things to do each week (aside from taking my red pen to articles and making them bleed) was designing my section. As the Arts & Entertainment editor, I could do pretty much whatever I wanted to and I had such a blast coming up with creative ways to showcase the front page article for each week.
I also have a ton of fun with blog design. It pains me that my coding skills are so limited because my blog looks way cooler in my head than it actually does in real life right now because I can't code. One day at work, I even drew out a picture of what I want my blog to look like on a sticky note. And mark my words friends, one day it will look like that.
So anyway, all that to say. I'm now at a point where I know what I want to do -- I want to write and I want to design -- and I'm taking steps to get there. And if I was getting married? Well, chances are that would never happen. Chances are I would keep saying I want to design and I want to write but I would just end up working in admin until I got pregnant and would be a mommy for the rest of my life. And don't get me wrong, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But the more I think about it, I really don't think that's God's plan for me.
He has given me a love and a desire for marriage and a family, yes. And one day I believe He will bless me with those things. It might be in two years, it might be in ten years. Who knows? But He has also given me a love and a talent for writing and designing. And to not use those things for His glory would be a waste of those talents.
So one day, I'll find out who I'm stuck with. I'll find out who I get to wake up next to each day, who I get to share my writing with before anyone else sees it, who I get to geek out over designs with, who I get to cook dinner for each night, who I get to make a family with, and who I get to grow old with. I'm looking forward to being "stuck" with that person. But in the meantime...I'm perfectly content figuring out just who I am.
All that being said, I end this post with the wisdom of 9-year-old Craig on what to do if a first date turns sour (since that's a far more likely scenario right now than getting married). Enjoy. And happy hump day.
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns."That's wisdom for you, ladies and gents.
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