Oh how true that is.
When I started this blog it was because I wanted to live out loud and share my life with others. I didn't care how many people visited or how many comments I received because this blog was basically a public journal.
Somewhere along my blog journey this changed. I started reading articles entitled “How to Get More Blog Readers” and “How to Get Paid For Blogging.” Somehow I got caught up in the societal hype of blogging and my motivation changed.
More provacative and challenging blog entries came to light... and a question in my mind starting popping up more frequently: “How can I get noticed?”
Oy vey.
What used to be a therapuetic place to go and pour out my heart was soon becoming something distorted and fake. (To be clear, my blog posts themselves have always been truthful and written with a sincere heart, but the motivation behind my posts was sometimes skewed.)
This way of thinking led to further investigation about how to bring more traffic to my blog. About 2 months ago I put a counter on my blog which tracks how many visits I've had each day, where they've come from, what keywords someone searched in order to make it to my blog, etc.
Soon it became a daily ritual to check how many people had visited my blog and in those numbers I began to equate my self worth. I didn't go as far as to base the attitude of my entire day on these numbers, but I definitely noticed a mood shift when I have 50 new visitors vs. 0.
This was not a good trend.
After writing my blog on Friday about Identity, God has been piercing my heart with the many ways I compare myself or look outside of my identity in Him to find my self-worth. And my blog counter was one of those things.
So, I deleted.
In truth, I don't care how many people look at my blog each day. I know people are being reached because I get emails and comments frequently enough that show I'm making at least a small dent. And in truth, even if I didn't get those affirmations through emails or comments, the blog started for me... as a way for me to express my heart, my love for Jesus, and my love for people.
And that's where I want it to stay.
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD,
my Rock and my Redeemer. - Psalm 19:14
