But we do have to be careful what we post. I had some issues that I had posted on FB that needed to be cleared up with family most of all. And then I decided to complain to family and friends about my recent break up with my ex.
Which was only about a week (and still very raw). Well, instead of support from the family, there were a few of my relatives, one by marriage and another one a cousin. One thought I was wrong to put a message on my ex's machine that was posting my feelings about how he treated me like crap. I told her, "Hey it's not harassment if I'm leaving a one time message stating what I didn't like in the relationship." As his very recent ex, I have EVERY RIGHT to give him a piece of my mind. I think in the majority of cases both parties have a right to tell each other what they think. After all many of us have invested a year or a lot longer in the relationship and it should be respected that both parties get to have their say. Anyway, I left my message and it's done.
I also unfriended my recent ex so he couldn't see me complaining about him. Even though he said he hadn't been on FB for a long time, he lied to me on other things and who is to say that he was reading. I swear he only friended me last year to keep tabs on me, and nothing from him ever appeared on my wall. Not that I ever said anything about him during the relationship. Except for things like, Going down to my boyfriends for the weekend, or so and so and I are going camping. I'm wondering if he was going onto FB all along and choosing to have all his postings be private only to certain people. I unfriended him anyway, in case he decided to copy something that I had complained about just recently.
And then this other cousin by marriage was quite rude and said you need help!!!!!!!
She was rude. Here I'm thinking how dare you tell me I need professional help when I've just been out of a relationship for one week. Who do you think you are?
I was tempted to unfriend her, but she's family and that would just be wrong to do. I did call her on it and told her it was rude and uncalled for. And in her messaging me, she was just out of line.
I probably shouldn't have posted a few of the things I put on FB but it was my family and friends and I wanted to clear things up and get it out of my system. I am just one of those people who tends to wear their heart on their sleeve and I find that I deal with my situations much better when I write it down.
And many times, the reason we post these things that are personal on FB is only because we want the support system of our family and friends. We didn't ask for their rudeness.
And I'm am so sure, what I posted was so mild compared to what some people post on FB. And I also had posted that I had forgiven people about things that happened in the past. I think that was a kind thing to post and not uncalled for.
I've decided to not go and post for a long time. I don't think I want to take part in my family's conversations. I might decide to comment on the ones who weren't rude. But I'm not going to post something myself for a while, unless it's really trivial.
I've said my peace with them and I got my closure on things. But, people have stepped on my toes and it's going to be my choice if I want to take part in their stuff or not. And I'm not sure if I plan on visiting with her anytime soon. If my Mother had been alive, she wouldn't have liked what she wrote on my thread.
I also decided to unlink my Triond account with FB. That way, they will not know what I am posting for my titles. Especially if I decide to write some about relationships. I wouldn't want them to misinterpret anything. Say if for example, I decide in the future to write an article in general on whether or not the woman chooses to accept the man back into her life. I wouldn't want my relatives thinking, "What does she want her ex back?" Which wouldn't be the case, as it's just an article to make some money.
But you know relatives, they read into everything under the sun and then it spreads like wildfire. And we all know that relatives have a way with talking about you behind your back too. Back stabbers. I've got a few of them in my clan. I won't name names, but there are some who have been doing it for years. But we all forgive them, because they are family and we love them no matter what.
It's like my Grampy who passed away quite a few years ago. He was known as Grumpy and always complained to everyone about spending their money and other things and he yelled at my Nana all the time, yet, he was Grampy and we loved him no matter what. He was from the Depression Era and saved every penny.
Some people probably swear and everything on FB and get into massive fights online. Thank god that wasn't me, but I did express some of my concerns. Shouldn't we all be able to feel comfortable knowing that part of our support system is our family and friends on FB? When instead they decide to backstab you and just be plain mean.
It kind of defys what FB is all about. And then you also have to be careful what you say, as it just takes one person who would decide to sue.
Not that I posted anything that would make someone want to sue. I didn't. I did post to my family that I had some opinions on something I thought my ex boyfriend may have, but I didn't come out and say, "Yes, he has it for a fact." As I am only guessing that he has something. Things seem to fit, but he also fits the classic male stereotype too. And of course anywhere that I choose to write about an issue I had, no names have been mentioned. Hey, if I did that, I could get in trouble for slander, and that's not me. Hence, the no names.
And I am not an angry person, and have forgiven people for quite a lot. Anyhow, the important thing in anyone's circumstances is to forgive and move on, which is what I have done.
But I will say that it can take a little while to get over what the recent ex did to me. One of my good FB friends said that I was right that the first week is still raw and she said sometimes it takes a person 2 or more years to get over things. I know I won't take that long, maybe more like a good month or over the holidays.
The only thing that kind of makes me bummed (not sad or depressed as I'm not the type to linger and get depressed over things) is that I thought I found someone for the rest of my life and he turned out to be a jerk with intimacy issues and disrespect for women. Nothing on my end. Evidentally there was something that I didn't know about him and if I had recognized it earlier, I would have found the door.
I am also not one to hold a grudge on anyone. I feel that is always more harm than good. True we can have anger for a little bit due to being hurt. Or some people bottle it up.
That's why there is good to find someone to talk to (professionally) about it IF IT IS WHAT WE CHOOSE. I've been through it as in one of my situations quite a few years ago, I got forced to go see someone, and then it wasn't my choice and I had bad experiences from it and didn't like who I had to talk to. The court made me go.
I'm done with that as the person I was talking to did something I really didn't like and I called her on it and stopped seeing her.
Now, I've chosen to just read a few books I ordered on some topics. But I may decide to go join a Battered Woman's support group for a little bit. I might just go one or two times and call it good. Battered Women said that some go all the time and other's decide to just come once or twice. But when I decide to go, it is going to be up to me.
I think I'm doing pretty well with the healing process. It does take time to get over a break up of any sort. Especially when they did things that were hurtful and when we reach out to FB, we're really only looking for kindness from our family and friends and when we end up getting rudeness and other uncalled for comments, it's not called for.
And for anyone who may think something, No I do not suffer from PTSD. I got that from posting a question on that Yahoo answers and quite frankly I thought the person was a moron. He didn't know me from atom and who are they to judge another? People shouldn't be quick to judge someone. That is just so wrong.
Think about it before anyone decides to say something on FB. Nobody likes someone telling another that they have something. Make sure you have all your facts about a situation of any sort before you tell them what you think.
I'm going to love my cousins no matter what, and I think I will still be planning on making a summer trip to visit next year. Of course the only thing that will probably keep me back is if my car ends up croaking on me and if I don't think it's wise to make a long trip with it, I'm not going to risk it.
I think family just has a way of thinking that they can say anything that they want, and sometimes even though they come across as rude, they really only have your best interest and are just looking out for us.
Anyway, I think it is my best interest just to stay away from FB for a little bit. Sometimes we really do need a break even from friends and family.
I liked what another friend posted recently. She had posted one of those things for everyone to share for an hour if you know anyone who is suffering family problems, or any sort of problems.
I mean, Facebook should be for sharing, and love, not mean and unkindness.
Here are a few quotes I found on Oprah's site this morning.
The motto should not be: Foregive one another; rather, Understand one another - Emma Goldman
"forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future" - Paul Boese
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself - Tony Robbins
Forgiveness is a gift of high value. But it costs very little to give. My Uncle Gary I have this quote from him written down in my little black coffee table book I used to bring to Maine when my mom was alive. A bunch of my relatives used to write their favorite sayings in it and to this day some of them remember the book.
Here's one or two from my Grampy:
Love none, trust few, always paddle your own canoe...
Two can live as cheap as one, but only as half as long
Too funny. None of us agreed with the first one of course. I do give him credit on that one though for rhyming. ha ha.
Jennifer Jo Fay
Copyrighted September 27, 2012
I probably won't even post these blog posts on FB either. I don't even think any of them were reading anyway. They were for a while, but then I stopped seeing any action from FB here.