What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Answer: Nothing – but it let out a little whine.
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A man got 2 wishes from god. He asked for the best wine and best woman.
Next moment, he had the best wine and Mother Theresa next to him.
Moral: Be Specific.
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I was at a tasting last week when I noticed a funeral procession approaching. The man next to me put down his glass, closed his eyes, put his hand on his chest and bowed his head.
After the cortege had passed I asked if he knew the deceased.
“Know her? We were married for 20 years.”
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Did you hear that the latest blend of pinot blanc, pinot noir and pinot gris causes kidney failure?
They call it pinot more.
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A man who was fond of wine was offered some grapes at dessert after dinner.
— “Much obliged,” said he, pushing the plate aside; “I am not accustomed to take my wine in pills.”
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“What do you take to fight insomnia?
“A good glass of wine.”
“Does it work?”
“No, but it keeps me happy while I wait to fall asleep.”
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Sally was driving home from a trip in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. She stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a ride. She thanked her and got in the car.
After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. She asked her what was in the bag.
Sally said, “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.”
The woman thought for a moment, then said, “Good trade.”
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A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”
Her husband asks, “Is that you or the wine talking?”
She replies, “It’s me…talking to the wine.”
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What did the grape do when the elephant stepped on it?
…Nothing – it just gave a little whine.
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Men are like a fine grape:
– They are best kept in the dark.
– They can’t handle too much heat.
– They perform best when they are stepped on.
Women are like the wine that comes from the grape:
– They are sweet, vigorous, and full-bodied when they are young.
– They don’t age well without preservatives.
– They become sour and vinegary if they remain bottled up.
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“Knock Knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Syrah”
“Syrah who?”
“Syrah doctor in the house?”
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“Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.”
