Write For Yourself Above All...

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I've had this post drafted up for awhile now. I get emails from blogging friends here or there asking about blogging drama resulting from posts or opinions they have chosen to share.
Unfortunately, blogging drama is usually something nobody knows about when they sign up to start a blog. It is really one of the only negatives I have personally experienced in blog world over the past year. There is so much positivity in blogging. You meet new friends, learn a ton from each other and can connect with thousands of people you would never have the chance to normally come across.
Blogging drama usually occurs over a blogger posting something that other people don't agree with. After going through this many times, I can honestly say that it is something you just need to ignore and be able to get past if you want to have a blog. There are full websites dedicated to ripping bloggers apart and critiquing every little thing they do. I have personally been criticized for such ridiculous things as: my love for mason jars, the fact that I center text sometimes when I post, the name we chose for our daughter, or even the fact that I used frozen food for Club Sexy.

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At first every negative comment I received would really bother me and get under my skin. Then I started taking the negative comments for what they were. Negative comments usually fall into one of three categories:
1: Someone does not agree with your viewpoint on something. They are courteous and respectful in expressing their opinion.
2: Someone doesn't agree with your viewpoint on something. They are rude, tactless and sometimes attacking when expressing this opinion.
3: Someone just says stupid, thoughtless things with no backing to their statements or comments.
If someone comes to you, either in an email or through a post comment, but falls into category #1, there is nothing wrong with this. I, myself, fall into that category. If someone puts out a blog post expressing their thoughts on an issue, I don't think there is anything wrong with you giving your point of view if you do it in a respectful manner. After all, we aren't all cookie cutter versions of each other and we think and feel differently about things. You have to know and expect that if you are putting yourself and your thoughts out there, not everyone is going to agree. That's ok! You should never be upset with someone if the truly are just kindly expressing a different viewpoint.

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Now when people fall into category #2, your first reaction is to lash back at them. Sometimes what this person is saying has some truth to it, but because they approach the situation in such a poor manner, what they are saying is usually not received very well. People who approach you in this category can be demeaning, sarcastic or just rude in the way they are expressing their thoughts. This is heavily the types of comments that are seen on the "blogger bashing sites". If you ever have anyone come at you in this way, do not lash out back at them. This is especially important when it comes to social media. You don't need to "defend" yourself on Twitter or anything else, because chances are, it's going to take a turn for the worst, and you'll end up embarrassing yourself because you got way too heated. When I see comments that fall in this category I'm not saying my feelings aren't hurt...they usually are. But I take a breath, look at them to see if there is any truth to them, take the comment for what it is and move on.
If anyone ever throws ignorant or just down right hurtful comments at you (#3) and they really have no basis, you will probably want to throw your laptop into the wall. The best is when these people do it anonymously. They hide behind their computers and write whatever they feel like, not caring how it will affect the person they are attacking - and most of all, not even owning up to the words they are saying. I have seen people do this by leaving comments attacking someone's parenting, the looks of their child, the blogger's physical appearance or their marriage. They are usually mean, cutting comments and very hurtful. This wasn't someone stating that they don't believe in cloth diapering, this was just unwarranted and horrible. I will never agree with this type of negativity. It stems from something being wrong with the person who is being cruel (a lot of times this can be jealousy), not from something being wrong with you. Please, please, please just ignore this and move on. Do not let these things get under your skin. Try to focus on on the positive and wonderful blogging friends you have and put this type of rudeness behind you.

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If you have ever experienced any of this negativity, it starts to get inside your head. You start to wonder:
"Should I not have posted that?""Am I going to lose readers if I am honest?""What are topics I should avoid in order to keep negativity at bay?"
Let me share what I have learned on this topic. You should always stay true to yourself. Post about your thoughts and feelings and about the things you love and are passionate about. When I first started blogging I just wanted to make blogging friends. I connected with a lot of bloggers who I may not have had a TON in common with because I just wanted to meet anyone and everyone I could.

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As time passed, there were a lot of them I didn't really have things in common with. I am not a heavy drinker, I don't like posting videos of myself wasted on my blog on a daily basis, I am married and now am expecting a baby. I would sometimes find myself comparing my posts and tweets to other bloggers to see if I was doing things "the right way"...but then it got to a point where I had to realize I didn't want to be like them. I am me and my blog should represent my life and who I am - not what seems popular in the blogosphere.
I think it is very common for us to look at other successful bloggers and try to figure out what is working for them. I love the quote to the left...There are plenty of blogs that people follow or imitate because they want to get to the point where those bloggers are...you don't have to pretend you are something else to accomplish your goals. You can be just as successful by just being you - your readers will sense when you are being genuine and they will be drawn to it.
There was such a freedom when I got to this point - when I made the decision I would post whatever I felt like posting, regardless if I lost followers or blog "friends". If I want to post about baby stuff, then I can. If I want to post about my faith then I should. I don't want to be chasing the "idea" of what a blog should be and instead focus on what I want to personally use this little space for.

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One other big trap that is easy to fall into is getting down on yourself by comparing your life to others. ALWAYS keep the quote on the right in mind. You are seeing what people WANT you to see. Their Instagram is filled with pictures of smiling babies, romantic roses from their husbands, fun nights out with the girls...who wants to post images mid-fight with their boyfriend, of a baby that hasn't slept all night or from the moment they found out they were losing their job? We have to be so careful in realizing that the majority of things people document truly are their "highlight reel", so it's ok that crap still happens in our every day lives.

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I know this post was long, but I really believe that we should all post from our hearts. Do not be afraid of others not agreeing with you, about losing followers, or receiving a few negative comments. I personally have found that when I am true to what I think and believe here on the blog, I end up finding some of my closest blogging relationships. By being YOU, you will find other like minded ladies who you can connect with and become real friends. If you throw out a fake front of who you think people want you to be, you are going to attract those types of people and it will leave you with a bunch of surface "friendships" that aren't very meaningful. By being transparent and real on your blog, you WILL create a tight knit community for yourself in blog land. And I promise, you will feel so incredibly happy and blessed (: