I discovered that whenever I’m passionate about something, I want to write about it. This means that I want to write when I’m happy or excited. It also means that I want to write when I’m angry, sad, frustrated or disappointed. When I’m one of the last four, the product is not always something I’m proud of. Not necessarily because the writing is bad or I failed to put my feelings into words, but because I’m afraid that people might read that stuff and get too close.
These are the moments that I can’t stand the quiet and have just one song on a loop to distract me from useless thoughts. These are the times I could throw my china against the wall, watch it fall to pieces on the floor and huddle in a corner crying afterwards.
It’s not all reactive, because at those moments I also wonder why I’m feeling that way (angry, frustrated, sad, or disappointed). Does the situation warrant me feeling like this? Should I let it go? Should I do something about it?
I made a promise to myself to be honest this year, and this one is going to be a toughie and not the sweet kind. Is it worth it, though, being honest, making myself vulnerable? Guess there’s only one way to find out…
Today I had to put the brakes on my writing. I had to deliberately write about something else, but in some twisted circumvented way write about it anyway. I’m stubborn like that and the impulse is hard to fight.