Yesterday morning, I woke up with the intense feeling of loneliness.The one you feel when the weight of the world is on your shoulders.And if you went into depression at some point in your life…You’ll probably understand what I meant.That heavy feeling nearly kept me from getting out of bed.Because my usual response would be to close my eyes, travel to dreamland…Hoping that by the time I wake up, the terrible feeling would be gone.But I didn’t want anyone to find out that I wasn’t feeling okay.So I forced myself to get up so as not to make anyone worry.
The feeling was so. damn. uncomfortable.And because it wasn’t any ordinary feeling of sadness…Even thinking of positive and happy thoughts couldn’t shake away the feeling.I sat in front of the dining table wearing that miserable frown on my face.The sadness was so powerful, I felt like my day couldn’t seem to go on.Out of my anguish, I muttered these words repeatedly…“God, I feel so lonely… I feel so lonely…”And then paused and sat there quietly for a few seconds.Suddenly, these thoughts crossed my mind…This feeling won’t last.So just go on.And do your usual activities.Even if you’re lonely.Because this feeling shall pass…Somehow, I was able to draw strength from these words.So I recited these words over and over inside my head…And went on with my day.
With God’s grace, I got through.Was able to accomplish the things that needed to be accomplished.And at the end of the day, the extreme sadness was miraculously lifted from my chest.
I occasionally experience that battle with myself.Sometimes I attribute it to PMS (Pre-menstrual Syndrome).But sometimes, I don’t seem to understand why it still happens…Because I am regularly taking my anti-depressants.
Perhaps that’s a message from God telling me that I am not in control –HE is…Even when it comes to myself. To ourselves.His power can change ANYTHING…How we think, how we feel, our reactions, our perspective…That little miracle of being able to conquer ourselves…
And have power over our lives.