Wrong.
If there is one thing I have learned in this life of mine, in my 46 years of always trying to make everyone around me love me, accept me and approve of me…it is that no one else can make you whole.
You are whole all on your own, whether you realize it or not.
I, most of my life have not realized this.
I am a self admitted searcher. I have always waited, longed for…the relationship that will make me everything I am not, when I am alone.
Until recently.
When I finally figured out the fact, that I am good. With just me. On my own, by myself.
I am complete already.
I have never appreciated that in myself, never given myself the credit I deserve just being me.
Being good just being me by myself. Mostly because I have never BEEN by myself. I have spent my whole life looking for someone to make me feel happy, to fill the vast space that has been void in my life, without ever realizing that the space was just me. Not giving myself the love, devotion and care that I need. That only I can give myself.
Love can be funny that way. It tricks you for a little while, it makes you settle, makes you give up things that you really know you deserve and want.
But not this time. There will be no trickery, no tomfoolery…I see it for what it really is.
I won’t be in a situation ever again where I will compromise myself, or who I want to be.
I love William for that. He is ok with my honesty. He listens when I talk and actually hears what I am saying.
I am bad for making stuff up in my head and playing through a scenario and making the outcome happen before it actually does.
I am trying to change that, I am trying to be totally honest all of the time. I want him to know how I feel, if he is ok with that, then great. If he is not then we have to work through whatever the situation ends up being. So far so good.
I am really trying to make that work in all aspects of my life.
If something isn’t going to work for me, I need to be honest with whoever is involved and tell them how I feel. Life is too short to not go with my gut.
Those are words from my bestie Nancy. She is rarely wrong, and we have been friends for going on 24 years now.
When we are older, like in about 15 years at the MOST…we are Thelma and Louising it…I mean without the driving over the cliff part of course.
And we are gonna have a Motorhome, and a Mustang…not a convertible…mind you…
We will have her Samari…it is convertible…hmmm…
Ok…so just no cliff then…
So at this point I feel William going… hey wait…what about me?
Don’t worry honey. It will be fine. We will always come home eventually :) I mean someone has to stay home and hold down the fort and watch all 7 of our kids right? You must be up for that??
We are the gypsy girls, and you will be our hometown boy. It’s just like the movies, only funnier. Cause you know us right?
Ok…hopefully William is laughing right now, even when a little piece of him is going, uh oh…they might be serious.
That is the fun part of being a girl, keeping everyone on their toes, you just never know if I really mean it or not, do you?