Your Own Personal Jesus

In 2002 I liked Jesus but didn’t believe.  I was interested in Faith but couldn’t grasp it. Faith was a gift I just hadn’t received.  Some days I was almost there, other days I was a hard line atheist and on the rest I was agnostic.  My relationship status with God was “it’s complicated.”  However, me and Krishna were still boys.  I liked Jesus but it wasn’t the bromance it should’ve been.  I just thought he was a nice guy, a really nice guy.
But I was chronically depressed at the time.  I didn’t have issues, I had the subscription.And I had a mental health issue and an episode result.  I was diagnosed a couple years later with bipolar disorder and re-diagnosed as schizoaffective disorder years after that.  But I didn’t know this then, I decided to have a few drinks to drown my sorrows but that only made my sorrows drunk and angry- I don’t like them when they’re angry.  And it made things much worse.  Eventually I took several bottles of sleeping pills and washed them down with a bottle of spiced rum.
And waited to die.
The next thing I can remember is being in a very comfortable but rather small room with some guy I’m just talking to and doing a lot of listening, I was getting guidance.  And a lot of it.  I was being told that on the other side everything was OK it was going to be fine from here on out I remember this guy saying.  I remember him saying I was loved, everyone is loved and being told that I had not lived a good life but I was a good person for as bad as I thought I was I really wasn’t too far off in the grand scheme of things.  I remember being reminded again and again everything was going to be OK and that I could relax and let my stressors and my worries and all that pain go, it was gone and wasn’t coming back.
But only because you only get one chance at life and when all is said and done that is that.  I remember him saying it was really too bad I did what I did because there was so much more I could have done, so much more that I was supposed to do.  So many more opportunities I would never have, but that he understood and it wasn’t all that bad and that things were going to be OK from here on out.  I was home.
I felt a sense of peace, comfort and love that wasn’t overwhelming but it was the most pure and genuine thing I have ever felt.  Looking back and being more honest about it, it was exactly what I needed to hear and experience at the time all things considered.
I remember feeling a deep regret when he was saying all that about only having one chance, ideas about what I could’ve done and seen came to mind and I remember thinking I’d give anything to have one more chance…..and then I woke up.  
The only thing I remember about the way this guy looked is his normalness actually stood out, I remember thinking this is the most average looking man I have ever met.  I don’t remember his coloring, hair style, whether or not he shaved, had facial hair...and what have you.  
I do remember thinking it was weird we were sitting on the floor but still it was comfortable, I mean we were just chillin out and it reminded me of hanging out in my best friends room.  When I woke up, I woke up in the ICU at the Trippler Army Medical Center in Hawaii where I was stationed at the time.  I was told by the doctors I was lucky to be alive, very lucky.  And they told me to hope and pray my luck held out because they were thinking I was going to have brain damage because of the effects of the drugs combined with alcohol in the quantities I took them in.
I related my strange dream or whatever to a few people but they blew me off so eventually I stopped talking about it.
My wife has had some supernatural experiences herself so she had a different take when I related it to her.  She said she thought it was Jesus I had talked to.  I remember saying I don’t remember what he looked like but I think I would remember the hair and beard.  But she said had he fit the classic image and told me who he was it may have caused me more problems, and it may have.  Atheists don’t like seeing a cross how do you think a suicidal one will react to meeting Jesus face to face.  I see her logic but….still not sure.
So she said listen to what he said, that you were loved, that you didn’t live a good life but that you were a good person, everything is going to be OK now, you are loved and you felt comfort, peace and love and you felt it as more pure and genuine than you ever had, right?  Well,…yeah.  I did.  Then she said maybe Jesus didn’t look as we imagine him, maybe he doesn’t quite come across as we have built him up in our minds to look or come across, the things he would say or the way he would say them.
My wife said what this guy said to me does fit the bill for how Jesus would be, would treat me and speak.  Someone who knew me better than I knew myself, who could’ve given me the motivation, perspective and comfort to try again and not attempt suicide ever again.I get what she means, and what she’s saying but I’m not quite convinced.  I just thought he was just a nice guy, a really nice guy.
 I lifted a running joke from a movie so here's the clip, just be sure to turn up the audio.