But seriously, I haven't made a post in over 3 weeks!!! I'm not sure where I left off and I fucking hate reading so I'll just tell you what I have been up to. I'm back living in Kelowna full time now, I no longer have a place to stay in keremeos.... I'm sad but in a way I'm happy, I miss the parties and my friends and acquaintances, I miss the girl who broke my heart. But.... Fuck that shit, I need to put that place behind me and get on with my life in Kelowna; You can't really live when your living in the past. I'm in Kelowna for the foreseeable future.
I applied and registered or whatever to college here, I'm hoping I get in but you know... I fucked up everything and chances aren't great. Even if that plan goes south and I'm not stuck anywhere in the fall I'm definitely not going back to Keremeos, I have nothing there, not to mention that it is a horrible place for me. If I don't get in to college I'm thinking I might try to travel a bit if I can, and work I guess.
I don't like where my life is at right now, I don't have much keeping me going. I'm looking for a job but they are few and far between and to be honest I want one that I will enjoy, and I'm stubborn as fuck. I've gotten into building mountain bike trails just to keep me sane and to keep the bottle out of my mouth; I can't just lay here feeling sorry for myself, it isn't good for me, it's a vicious cycle. I'm sad so I don't do anything, and doing nothing makes me sadder, then before I know it I'm stealing shit from the booze cupboard just to escape from the loneliness.
But things are getting better, they have to. It's moving slowly now but something has to happen soon, I'll get a job, school will start, hell maybe I'll meet someone! Who knows? But something will happen to make Kelowna look less like a depressing wasteland and more like home.
I'm glad I finally finished a post again, I've tried several times but I never could. Maybe this is a sign that things are getting better, or the opposite. Lets hope for the best!!
Nick McDonald
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