(1) The contemporary phenomenon of narcissism:Some phenomena become too widespread and '' in-your-face '' to ignore. Others are influenced by the under or overestimation of the media that specifies trending and non-trending topics. One particular issue that is affecting each and every one of us is narcissism and how it is jeopardizing the survival of marriages, families, and relationships of all sorts. We seem to be living in a '' show me the money '' kind of age in which people are heavily concerned with a materialistic understanding of self-centered happiness that surely affects how they deal with others. This is evident in marriages where many usually fail to sustain their relationships due to unrealistic expectations, unwillingness to sacrifice one's personal time and space for the other, and the inability to care for the other person as an independent, valuable person with his/her own needs, character, and thoughts. Many partners perceive their spouses as a possession rather than, as mentioned above, an independent character.
Narcissism, as a philosophy, is sacrifice's greatest contestant. Some of us find joy in the comfort of others; they embrace an attitude of acceptance towards letting go of a part of who they are for the well-being of their loved ones. The positive feelings aroused by selflessness is supported by a favorable conception of the act of sacrifice; the perception of life as great when it is shared with others. On the other hand, some of us find joy in being there for nobody but themselves; they embrace an attitude of rejection and fear towards sacrifice. Their interactions with people are based upon dehumanizing others and perceiving them as a means to an end. The error that this philosophy bears is that it brings so much bitterness and loneliness to the heart, because instead of creating meaningful bonds and experiential joy with others, we perceive others as things, tools. This is particularly evident in marital bonds in which narcissism displays itself in many colors, and that is also particularly why two people who refuse to merge as one, entire unit can never sustain a relationship under the hardcore pressures of life. In this article, I will highlight the most evident expression of narcissism in marriage—the expression of narcissism in the conception of sex and how it tears houses apart.
Originally, sex is a language, a unique expression of love where two independent partners mutually share, and not, by any means, a one-way practice where someone uses the other as a masturbatory tool. Sadly, however, the pervasive influence of high speed internet porn highly depraved our understanding of sex and its role and badly affected how men perceive women. Young men and women, nowadays, seek each other on the basis of temporary satisfaction and medication. Relationships are more of a drug than a fine place where love is nurtured. Narcissism dictates why we get into relationships with others and why we get out. A reason for getting in might be the sexual gratification of one's needs or the receipt of a materialistic reward, and the reason for getting out can simply be the lack of that; narcissism is a philosophy where a man leaves bed after orgasm and a woman breaks up after getting the
emotional acceptance and comfort she needs; it is the reason why we care less about paying visits to relatives and more about a promising late night outing. Narcissism turns men into players and women into playmates; it is the misguided pursuit of divine happiness in the abuse and exploitation of others. Sarcastically, however, narcissism is the high way to despair.
(2) Its causations:The question here is, why did we shift from selflessness as a conception of happiness to narcissism? What are the reasons behind perceiving sacrifice, sharing, attending to other people's needs as an outdated, not-so-trendy philosophy and the explosive spread of a '' me, myself and I '' philosophy? Why do today's women seem so much less incapable of being what their mothers succeeded in being? Why do today's men conception of manhood became distant from the honorable conception that their fathers bear? Why did women entirely lose their humane presence in the eyes of men and the general society? Why do we see behaviors as depraved, sadistic and ill as sexual harassment, exploitation and abuse? Who is responsible for the detrimental shift in the societal influences that mold who we are? Let's dive briefly into the reasons.
The reasons are, to a large extent, the poisonous teachings of many secular entertainment industries that exported teachings odd from the merciful teachings of Islam that accentuates one's role towards the other in all respects. Hollywood and pornography are two established industries whose productions we consume regularly---isn't that a fact? High speed internet porn consumption has been proven to have many damaging effects ranging from desensitization to healthy sexual practices to excessive objectification and sexualization of women, self-control issues as it negatively affects brain regions responsible for decision making and foreseeing consequences, and, most importantly, nurturing narcissism and individualism. Because in porn men do not recognize the presence of women as individuals independent and separate from themselves; rather, tools designed beautifully to fulfill their own desires; consumable bodies that serve the same function of food. Food is meant to be chewed, swallowed, digested, and stored; it is the answer to an individual need. Similarly, porn treats sex as a strictly bodily need that is sought unconditionally and not as a means to end, thereby undermining the humane connection and the primary role of sex in expressing true love and turning it into a narcissistic expression in which men are strictly concerned with having it their way.
The narcissistic teachings of pornography greatly affect marital bonds. As men get desensitized to perceiving women as real, independent characters with needs, they start accepting false ideas about what women really want. In porn, women are portrayed as complacent dolls, happily serving men in the most promiscuous manners. Of course, the reality that these women accept the humiliation and degradation largely because of the financial rewards and that many of them heavily consume drugs and alcohol to tolerate the pain is carefully hidden. What men see on screen is the final result of a content so refined, edited and faked that reality cannot ever fairly compete with it. That is why many women feel confused about what they should do in reaction to their husbands' unhealthy expectations regarding sex, mainly derived from a depraved and a satanic industry. Some women attempt to compete with the perfection on screen, others suffer the loss of self-value and esteem, while the rest go deeper to understand their men's problems and offer help or decide on backing out altogether.
For individuals to survive in a secular world, false gods have to be created in order to substitute for a terminated connection between humans and their holy creator. False gods refers to the promise that entertainment industries make to their viewers. The Hollywood industry promises that materialism, secularism and the pursuit of women as God-given possession could give us a 24-hours red carpet glamour. And as the ugly truth of celebrities' real life traumas, addictions, and despair is carefully veiled, we fall prey to the edited world of perfection as a false god to whom we should prostrate. Similarly, the pornography industry promises its consumers eternal euphoria in the unrestricted expression of desire, creating a false God to whom we are urged to prostrate, turning both men and women into narcissistic, sterile individuals who are incapable of loving anyone else but themselves.
Today's men and women are dysfunctional. We think of our own parents as naïve for being selfless in ways that are beyond our understanding. They consider our needs and wants, choose to spend time that could be strictly theirs in ensuring we are comfortable enough, exceed our expectations, and find pride in doing so. Nowadays, CIA-funded feminism teaches women that investing their time in raising honorable men and women is '' a stupid thing to do. '' Instead, competing like rats in blood-sucking capitalistic corporations while getting crumps of money and fueling the government with taxes that God only knows where it is spend is the '' only right thing to do. '' On the other hand, manhood's definition has been devilishly reengineered to fuel behavioral abuse of women, portraying them as 2nd-class creatures in a world dominated by ill men. And, to the dismay of the wise, women are unknowingly contributing to their degradation by buying the lie that the hotness of their bodies is the only valid expression of self-worth.
So, when the two sexes, heavily saturated by narcissistic teachings unite to build a family, their conceptions scatter road bumps along the way; the woman becomes heavily occupied by an endless pursuit of career progression, assigning little to no value to the healthy parenting of her kids, whereas the man become sterile in a sense that makes any support beyond the financial form heavily rejected. In a sense, narcissism takes out a playboy and a playmate out of the context of a joyfully furnished porn set to the harsh reality of life to discover that it takes more than an euphoric exploitation of the other half to succeed in life. Success attained via narcissism is the cruelest lie of all, unless we define building a pyramid out of the corpses of others as a valid way to get to the top, deactivating any righteous voice that attempts to elevate us beyond degradation---unless we become a much lower version of what we are meant to be. (3) Recommending guidelines to redemption:So, how can we rectify our path? Is there a way by which men and women can restore their primary goal of serving as role models and a beautiful representation of the prophet Muhammad (PBUH) kind teachings? The answer lies within firstly realizing the satanic nature of entertainment industries that implicitly convey the most harmful conceptions of happiness, freedom, sexuality, and religion. The media heavily depends on the '' classical conditioning '' approach first coined by the Russian scientist, Ivan Pavlov who illustrated how neutral actions or gestures can acquire associations to mean something. Classical conditioning boils down to the consistent association of an undesired emotion to a person, religion, institution or country usually through motion pictures, thereby controlling viewer's conceptions of the most critical matters. The media has the powerful ability to define for us concepts such as terrorism, women's rights, freedom of expression, and oppression; it is a master brain for those whose brains willfully dived into a peaceful sleep. And because our decisions about almost anything is based upon the givens we are served, the media meticulously pushes to us parts of the puzzle that fits whatever agenda they are serving. Simply put, the first step to redemption is to stop trusting the media with your mind, because it has a naughty habit of raping free thinking hardcore. I highly recommend you watch Dan Gilbert's- a Harvard psychologist- talk in TEDGlobal 2005, entitled, '' why we make bad decisions. ''
Secondly, understand that whatever you see affects you. Some of us has the unscientific belief that as long as you do not consciously go and jump off a roof top in an attempt to be the next Spiderman then you are not affected by what you see on screen. Influences work in an '' under the radar '' style. Directors do not necessarily have to hypnotize you into going and degrading women but they can implicitly teach you by portrayal that women are all about sexual promiscuity and the rest is a predictable domino effect behavior. Mechanisms of influence are not understood by all of us. However, that does not impair their virtue. Product placements in movies function similarly; subtle and consistent product presence associated with high-end celebrities evoke brand-friendly associations. We see this all the time when famous brands such as Sony Ericsson pay enormous marketing dollars to feature James Bond talking via a Sony Ericcson or when Audi designs custom-made future models for blockbusters such as I, Robot. Marketers vie for tipping the scale towards a buying decision in their favor, similarly do all parties vie for tipping your scale towards a political, societal, or a religious cause. It's all about subtlety. It's how it works.
The 3rd step to redeeming our sanity in an insane world is to take the willful decision to divorce the satanic, secular teachings of the so-called entertainment world. Spare your mind the merciless filthy war against its sanity. Step back a little to see the whole picture. It is infeasible to distinguish the harmful teachings while you are engaged in the process. It is hard to understand that, for instance, sitcoms are heavily built upon the call for sexual depravity, homosexuality and promiscuity while heavily consuming them desensitized you to their evil nature. Detoxify yourself from the social reengineering waged against humanity by an elite ruling class of ill minds.
The 4th and final step is to embrace the much cleaner and benevolent teachings of the divine religion of Allah. An ideology is judged by its teachings, and to what do the teachings of Islam call for? Islam, which is the religion of submission to the creator's regulatory orders urges humans to gracefully rise above their whims; to restore other people's humanity and dignity in our minds; to understand that we have been given a choice to deploy whatever energies we have in good or evil, and that adulthood is not the green light to partying, doing drugs, and accessing 18+ porn sites. Rather, the phase in which we become mature and conscious enough to take full responsibility for our actions, trying to lead a life of sobriety and good judgment.
It is not coincidental; the phenomenon of narcissism has its causations. We can take matters with our hands should we choose to accept. We can fight back by deciding what influences we should trust our minds with. We can become the light amidst the bleak darkness of life. We can free ourselves by thinking for ourselves; by fighting the usually harmful social pressure of conformity to mainstream behaviors. We need a society in which men progress from childhood to adulthood; in which they become secure and fulfilled enough to gracefully listen and give due attention to their loved ones. Kids could be as old as 30 as it is not the passage of years that matures; rather the acceptance of what happens to us in life and how we can learn from that. From the floundering and thoughtless behaviors of children to the responsible and sober decisions of adults do men surface; a transition inspired by overcoming challenges, impulses and tough times.
I dedicate this to my parents who defined sacrifice and selflessness so clearly to me in a collapsing world; who showed me how partners can survive the agony of life with a bond made of steel; who transitioned me from caring about me, myself and I to caring about me, my loved ones, and others. To all of the good, kind hearts out there---lead others by example---become the light.
