366/365 Project: Reflections.

Sooo I've been doing my photography project for a while, seven months, and there are a few things I want to say about it all.

• Today I woke up and thought to myself, "I'm not going to take a photo. They all look the same...I'll have a day off, then start again tomorrow." I'm still not entirely sure if I will or won't. But then it wouldn't make it a 366 Project and it'd become another 365 Project, just like my last one. 
• I don't feel the same way I did last time this time around. And that's probably a good thing. It would be a bit worrisome if I did feel that way considering Roman was 4 weeks old when I started the last project. But it's not just that...I just don't feel excited about this anymore, I don't feel a burning in my belly about it all and mostly I just want to roll over and give up.
• I keep telling myself I can't give up because...because I don't know. I just can't. My OCD won't let me. I'd feel like I failed if I gave up. 
• I feel like my photography skills are getting worse. And that's the most horrible feeling, let me tell you. In my last project they got markedly better and this time? Worse. I don't know what's going on but I feel as though my reluctance to keep going is stopping me from learning anything and in fact making me lazy to learn...not good at all.
• Because of the last point I'm thinking about the first point an awful lot; take a break for a week, don't touch the camera in that time, and come back to it later, revived. Or will this make me give up completely? I'm worried about that.
• I used to get writers block an awful lot when I was at university and my tutor's advice was 'just write anything.' Is it the same for photography?
• Nothing happens. And sometimes I think that reading one of my posts would be like watching paint dry. I try to make things fun and interesting but the truth is that I'm stuck in the sticks, with not a lot to do. My two best friends these days are a 25 year old man and a 28 month old toddler. We can't drive off anywhere. We never do anything that is outside of our boring routine. How the hell is that worthy of writing about?
• I think my photographer's block comes from lots of places but one of the places I can put my finger on is other photographers. The ones I've met locally have been awful and I'm letting that cloud my decisions. I don't want to be one of them and it's making me not branch out to other photographers, in case they're awful or they laugh at me. "Haha, you think you're a photographer because you take photos of your kid? Puh-lease!" 
• I also don't like the 'oh I hate mums who are photographers' camp. What's wrong with that? If you're so wonderful and talented then surely you can outsmart your opponent? Business is about competition, suck it up. 

So all of these things combined are some of the fears, thoughts and such about this project. It's also very hard when I have no constructive feed back - from a photography veiw point, at least. It would be good to know what I could improve or learn. As I say, I've been in touch with people in my area and after a few emails they're just not interested as they think I'm a photographer spy trying to steal all their secrets. I'm also a member of a photography group but this a two pronged problem; 1. Although the group is mixed ability I find myself Googling a lot of the advice they give me and 2. I ask something and it can go un-noticed for weeks or not get much of a reply.