Self Expression Magazine

#7- Avat-tactular!

Posted on the 12 November 2011 by Brainy @mybrainthings
I finally finished my avatar after many, many hours of tinkering.  It's still not exactly right, but it's close enough.  It  probably won't ever be exactly right and I don't want to get some kind of degree in Photoshop to be able to figure out how to make it that way, so... I posted it.
I have been working on another post for a while, but I'm a ridiculous procrastinator, and there's been some shit going on, like a snowstorm that broke a tree in our yard, a leaky kitchen sink that filled the bathroom below with mold, and whatever other excuses I've created to prevent me from doing the things I really enjoy, things that that make me feel some small spark of usefulness in an otherwise vast and boring brainscape of facebook games and network television.
I've recently realized that one of the reasons I do this, why I create all these obstacles for myself, is because I'm fucking terrified of failing.  What if I work really hard, I mean, really hard, at something that's so very important to me, what if I pour my life and love and expectations into this, my most sincere and honest best try... and I fail? What if it's still not good enough?  See, this is the kind of crap I've been thinking about lately, really deep stuff that takes up a lot of thinking time!  Self-analysis is completely necessary, I know, but it is time consuming and exhausting, to say the least.  So, I'm working on this whole 'you can't fail if you don't even try' thing that apparently I've been doing a lot in almost every aspect of my life.  I've been trying to think of stuff like, 'what does 'good enough' even mean?' and other figurative steamrollers for my mental roadblocks.  It takes time and effort, but once the little switch of awareness has been turned on, it won't go away.  In order to be able to get stuff like that out of one's head and thus preventing one from going fucking nutzoids, some processing and problem solving is required.
BUT, I haven't stopped thinking about posts and what said posts would entail.  So don't fret, readers that are either related to me (hi, Jen), or exist solely in my imagination, I'll get back to the ol' cyber grindstone soon.
I think I'm going to take a hiatus on the top 10 movies post that has turned into some kind encyclopedia of complication, and start fresh tomorrow.  Or Monday.  Let's just say soon.  That way I won't feel guilty if I miss a deadline and then put it off even more, creating a cycle of procrastination that somehow snowballs into the destruction of the Universe.  Yeah, it's that serious. See you soon.

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