Self Expression Magazine

A Christmas Gift for You

Posted on the 23 December 2013 by Killmenow @lbigfoot

Welcome to my site. You may want to check out my book, "Kill Me Now!". Thanks for visiting!

A Christmas Gift for youTomorrow is Christmas eve and I have a Christmas gift for you. I am not a Christian or Catholic, I am Jewish, but Hanukkah has come and gone and I want to give you a real tangible Christmas Gift. I want to send you a copy of my book, “Kill Me Now!” This is a copy from my previous, now defunct publisher.

The book will be sent to you from Jerusalem, the Holy City in Israel. It will be sent to the first two people who send me an amusing story from one of their dates. Good luck and May the Schwartz be with you.

I leave you with two jokes, you can also call them a Christmas gift as this is the season to be merry!:

After Adam was created, there he was, all alone, in the Garden of Eden.  Of course it wasn’t good for him to be all by himself, so the Lord came down to visit.
“Adam,” He said, “I have a plan to make you much, much happier.  I’m going to give you a companion, a help mate for you — someone who will fulfill your every need and desire. Someone who will be faithful, loving and obedient. Someone who will make you feel wonderful every day of your life.”
Adam was stunned. “That’s sounds incredible!”
“Well, it is,” replied the Lord. “But it doesn’t come for free. This is someone so special that it’s going to cost you an arm and a leg.”
“That’s a pretty high price to pay,” said Adam. “What can I get for a rib?”

The Confesssion

Hymie enters a Catholic church and confronts the priest. “I am 93 years old. My wife is 91. We have been happily married for 64 years. Last week I had crazy, joyous sex with a 27-year-old super-model.”
The priest is aghast. “Why don’t you go to confession, old man?”
Hymie replies, “Why should a Jewish man such as myself go to confession?”
The priest is confused. “If you’re Jewish, why then are you telling me this story?”
Hymie replies, “I’m telling everyone!”

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