Empty red drape = eye sore
Dear Stephen,
I have noticed that your Peabody and one of your Emmys sit alone on a mantel on the set in which you allow members of the general public to reflect upon your greatness, comforted only by a fake fire, an empty red drape, an hourglass showing that Herman Cain’s time has ran out, and what I can only imagine is a statuette of you and John Stewart riding your trusty steeds in the revolutionary war. Yea, I know you were there. I didn’t want to say it, but it really makes your awards look puny. You are the laughing stock of your worst media nemesis, the bears. But fear no more, young Stephen, for your nation has the answer. On page 83 of the magazine that almost exclusively sells unnecessary and expensive (and therefore completely American) things, SkyMall’s new “summer edition”, you will notice a sculpture of an eagle called “Freedom’s Pride” by Samuel Lightfoot. This is guaranteed to change your studio and all who enter it. Nothing screetches “AMERICA!”more proudly than a 2 ½ foot wide, 7 lb eagle, sculpted by a man with the last name of “Lightfoot”. The large wings invite protection for your friends while the sharp talons warn your enemies not to mess with you, bears or Texas. I can already see the fear in your enemies’ eyes as they stare upon your mascot, proudly clutching your Peabody in one talon and one of your Emmy’s in the other. The perfect combination of, “I could kill you like a snake and, by the way, I’m awesome.”
More importantly, Stephen, the eagle has always been a symbol of the strength and freedom of our nation, just like you are a symbol of strength and freedom for our Colbert Nation. So stop “seeming to be” and “be”! Dip into those Colbert Super PAC funds because, for the small priceof $99.95, you can not only support American Capitalism and our down economy, but you can show that the world’s misconception of America as a life of freedom and excess is not just crazy, it’s what we do.
Hail to the Colbert Nation,
Kluckitblog
Los Angeles, CA.
P.S. This is also an opportunity to demonstrate fiscal responsibility that this country and our house of representatives appears not to understand, because if we buy together we save 15 bucks (or 1/17th of a poor person’s x-box).
