It's my favorite Jester Knight King! Matticus is continuing our connection-lined path. Today, he's being honest with us, about the hopes and light we carry with us on our travels.
Welcome to the Sonder Files.
I've mentioned before that the largest benefit of being the Jester of The Matticus Kingdom is the freedom to take on any of a plethora of roles, to do whatever it takes to entertain the audience, to become whoever I need to. I've been a scribe, a poet, a bard, a comedian, an organizer, an antagonizer, and on and on. I've worn many hats. I've worn many faces. But, in truth, all of my many facets can be traced back to one of two main personas: Matticus the blogger and Matt the writer.
Matt the writer loves the challenge of building from a single idea to create a story. Sometimes those stories are poems. Sometimes they are songs. And sometimes they turn into novels. He writes because he wants to see where the words take him once the characters take on lives of their own. He writes because his head would be too crowded if he couldn't unleash some of the personalities always jostling for residence in his thoughts. He writes because he must.
Matticus the blogger loves the community of the 'sphere. He loves the interaction in comment sections and finding new sites to make him laugh, think, and cry. He loves being challenged by that community to be mindful of his actions and to actually live in a purposeful and meaningful way. The blogosphere is full of wonderful people engaging other wonderful people to be even better than they already are.
It isn't why I started The Matticus Kingdom initially, but I stayed on for over three years now because of it. I blog because I want to be part of the community.
However...
Being a part of that community is dependent on having the time and ability to be present. You only get out of it what you put in. Those bloggers who can leave hundreds of comments a day across several sites and platforms also receive hundreds of comments in return.
The problems for Matticus the blogger started a little over a year ago, when he lost access to all things WordPress related at work. The servers blocked all content that had WP as part of the url. I couldn't sign into my account. I couldn't write new posts directly in the editor. I couldn't leave or reply to comments. My presence in the sphere dropped dramatically.
I eventually found a way to reach a level of productivity that I was content with, albeit never happy with, by using my phone. It was slow and cumbersome but I was able to reestablish enough of a presence that I felt part of the community again. But then my office changed locations and I lost all signal on my phone at the new space. I get connectivity sporadically throughout the day and I try to reply to comments in those brief moments, but I can no longer visit others and I can no longer hold lengthy discussions. I am a shadow of who I was. Matticus the blogger is no longer and accurate description. It's become Matticus that guy who used to blog sometimes.
Additionally, I've found that blogging isn't necessarily the best place for my longer forms of writing. I don't mean that as a criticism. It is just a truth I have noticed. So, more and more, Matt the writer has felt less compelled to show up and do the entertaining in The Kingdom as well.
I had decided to walk away from the kingdom and was just working through posts I had scheduled long in advance when the phone call came from jail, "Matt... something happened to Dave."
Suddenly, my insecurities seemed pointless and I found a new determination to force myself back into the community. I went from wanting to walk away from The Kingdom to posting regularly again along with helping run two additional sites. I spread news. I became an active voice for helping others. I breathed life back into Matticus the blogger. Although the reason behind my resurgence was terrible, it felt good to no longer feel like I was letting everyone down. Because it was only then that I realized that was one of the reasons I had wanted to quietly just slip away - my inability to read other blogs and leave comments and really engage in that community made me feel like I was undeserving of the likes and comments I continued to receive on the Kingdom. It was important that I come to that realization because it meant I could redefine what it meant to blog and what it meant to be part of the community going forward.
So, where does that leave me now?
Matt the writer is still very much a part of who I am, and always will be, but it is doubtful you will see much of him in The Kingdom. Have no fear, though. I am writing. And as I finish the multitude of projects I'm currently working on, you will hear all about them.
Matticus the blogger will be around, too. I may not be as consistent with my posts as I was at one time. I may not respond to every comment. I may not visit all of your wonderful sites with the frequency I used to. But, you will see me here and there and everywhere. After all, I'm a Jester. I'm supposed to entertain. I need to entertain. To do that, I have to be present. And, so, I will be.
I've written about Matt before, but in case you didn't already pop over to follow him then, go join the kingdom now. {One of the greatest things about life, is all the magical kingdoms that welcome us in with open arms.} But before you run off to his place, leave him a little comment here to let him know you're thankful he sondered. It's these types of messages that remind us how being present in our lives is often the most important path we can follow.
http://TheMatticusKingdom.com
