It's my birthday twin-Alison! She's sondering us to the pathways of tangible connections that connect the intangible. Today, we're talking about what it is to hold onto human connection when you're in the middle of letting go of almost everything else...
Welcome to the Sonder Files.
We have no home. By choice.
About five years ago Don was still working as a neuropsychologist and it was making him sick. Literally. He was 68 and desperately needed to retire. He worried about money all the time. I had a small part-time business as a domestic cleaner, which I loved, but the income was insignificant in the big picture. We simply couldn't afford for Don to retire and for us to maintain our then comfortable lifestyle.
Through a visit to an intuitive counselor, and a lot of soul-searching, and daily writing, Don suddenly came up with a solution. Way out in left field. We'd sell our apartment, become nomads and travel the world. So we did. We started travelling almost four and a half years ago and have practically never looked back. It's been the best thing we ever did. It has enlivened us in ways we never could have imagined, and forced us to live more and more in trust and presence.
But when you have no home what do you do about mail? Initially we converted all our regular accounts (bank, credit card, cell phone statements, etc.) to email. Some financial statements had to come by snail mail by law, and I think a few still do, but that has diminished. It took about twelve months for us to get our names of all those endless advertising lists - many phone calls ranging from polite to irate saying would you please get my name off that list and never put it on there again.
Our mail goes to friends who live in the same building where we owned our apartment. When we returned briefly from our first trip of less than three months they had a stack of mail for us about three inches high. After our second trip of six months it was about four inches high. Now after more than four years it's down to maybe half a dozen items. Like tax notices and receipts. You simply can't avoid those.
I don't remember when I found Rarasaur, and started following her blog. We come from completely different generations, and I don't always understand what she writes about - some of the pop culture and super hero stuff is beyond me, though I have to say I loved the Spidey movies! Once, years ago, I made a comment on a post that she never replied to, and then realized later it was because I had no idea what she was talking about so my comment made no sense. But we discovered we are birthday sisters, giving us a mutual Virgo understanding of each other's inner workings. And then there's her joy, her love, her brilliant writing, and her dedication to creating big open-hearted community! Well you all know what she's like. It's why you're reading this right now. Like you, with every post I'm drawn into her raw honest shiny optimistic world. And her big heart.
I've been a fan of competitive figure skating for about forty years, ever since I first saw it on Olympic television coverage in Australia when I was twenty-something. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. In my thirties I moved to Canada where figure skating is a national sport. Inevitably I discovered a figure skating fan forum. Through the forum I met fellow fans in person at competitions, and it is because of them that I have a blog. Long before Don retired we were heading off on six weeks of overseas travel and my figure-skating buddies asked me to post about our travels on the forum in the non-skating section. Six years later I still have a thread on that forum.
I think it was about a year after we became nomadic, prompted by others on the forum sending each other snail mail cards that I offered to send postcards from each country we visited to anyone who was interested. Several people have wanted to return the favour, and send Christmas cards, and well, any old kind of card just for fun, but of course I say no because - no address. The only mail I ever receive is a small amount of official mail and I need to keep it that way. At some point in time Ra was added to the post card list.
Then she went to prison.
Through her online community I was able to keep up with her various addresses and continued to send postcards, and then letters as well after Dave died. I couldn't believe anyone could have to endure so much heartbreak. I sent the last letter very close to the time that she was to be released and didn't know if she would receive it or not.
When we returned from two months travelling around Turkey, Jordan and Egypt last October there was a letter waiting for me that was not an official letter. It was my last letter to Ra and it had been returned. The California Prison System returns letters that can't be delivered to the intended recipient! Wow! Amazing! I still have that letter. I've been carrying it around for all these months - to Montreal for Christmas, back to Vancouver, and now to San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. It is still relevant even though I wrote and mailed it from Sweden last July.
Each time I've looked through the small pile of papers I carry around with me, things that get lost in my laptop case, I've seen that letter (and the enclosed post card of Stockholm) and thought that I must mail it to Ra. And then I'd forget about it, procrastinate again. Perhaps I wasn't ready to let go of it. Perhaps I didn't care enough. Perhaps I cared too much. Perhaps its time has passed. Who knows?
I swear to god one day soon I will mail it. Finally I've gone so far as to buy an envelope to put it in. I've addressed the envelope. I even found an Oficina de Correo to buy a stamp but it was closed. Tomorrow maybe . . . . . . . or the next day . . . . . . . sometime in the next week . . . . . . . It's on the way. I can feel it.
Alison and her husband Don have been bright lights in my journey. We're so very different, but I think in the truly most important things, we have a large stretch of commonality and we play there often. As to that "Inmate paroled" picture, well, it gives me shivers every time I see it. Can you believe it, friends? I made it home.
Now's your chance to find wonderland, too, so go go on- travel the world with Alison and Don. {One of the greatest things about life, is how we can go on adventures with friends through beautiful words and pictures!} But before you run off to her place, leave her a little comment here to let her know you're thankful she sondered. It's these types of messages that remind us that we make the flavor of our world...
