You get the idea.
I've improved a lot over the past year, and these past 4-5 months most particularly. I can look at my naked ass in the mirror without wanting to crawl under a rock, I can get yelled at by a guest and come away unscathed, I can mess up on something without having a panic attack and apologizing profusely to everything and everyone within hearing range, I hold my shoulders straighter, I speak with more firmness, I make decisions with more certainty, and I know myself much better than I used to. All these things are great strides toward being, you know, a normal healthy adult.
However, I've realized something recently: I'm still extremely defensive.
My issue is that I care too much about being misunderstood, so if I feel even slightly attacked, I jump to defending myself before I've even given someone a chance to finish their thought. Not only is it really irritating to others, it forces me to wear my insecurity in big flashing neon letters across my forehead.
I have plenty of faults, but one of them is not laziness. I want to be the best version of myself I can be, and when I notice something that I don't like, I don't waste time helping myself improve. So, for inspiration--I've decided to compile a list of people I admire, both real and fictitious, for giving zero to few fucks. Then I'm going to do my best to emulate those people when I feel misunderstood, so that I stop caring what someone who doesn't even understand me thinks.
I think it's a pretty awesome idea.
So here's my list so far:
1. Stephen Hyde, from That 70's Show.
Hyde uses the stoner's approach to giving no fucks, mainly with the use of such phrases as "Whatever, man" and "That's cool." These things should be said lazily, and this attitude should be maintained no matter how shrill or mean the offending person gets. Added bonus of being very frustrating.
2. Queen Elizabeth I.
This woman not only ruled a country in turmoil, revolutionized the idea that a female could rule without a husband, defeated the fucking Spanish Armada, and ripped off King Philip II of Spain to help out poor William of Orange who had been fucked over by said king of Spain....she also spit and swore like a man while looking and dressing like a woman. She was absolutely a total badass, and gave very few fucks, if any, what people thought of her.
3. Harry Dresden, of the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher.
Harry Dresden is a wizard-for-hire in Chicago--in fact, he's the only wizard-for-hire in Chicago. Most people think he's a kook, most of the other wizards think he's a smart-ass, and someone is absolutely always trying to kill him. He's a little grungy, constantly misunderstood, and yet always does the right thing, whatever the consequences. He gives almost no fucks, and shows it mostly through smart-mouthing and punnery. Plus he can do magic, which is just awesome.
4. Veronica Mars.
Veronica goes to a school where pretty close to every person there hates her, and not just in a dramatic high school kind of way--several of these people have beaten up her car, spit date rape drugs into her drinks, tried to kidnap her, and even raped her. And yet she still goes to school every day, where she knows every possible kind of lie is floating around about her, and continues to be her badass, snarky, adorable little self, getting straight As, solving crimes both big and small, and generally being awesome. Quote: "Here's what you do: you get tough. You get even."
That's all I have so far. I feel like this list could get longer. I invite you all to post with your no-fuck-giving inspirations in the comments as well. :) We'll have a self-confidence party!
Yayyyyy!!!!
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