In case you didn’t catch it, I’m the brown one. Easy-to-make comic compliments of wittycomics.com
I met Sara a year or so ago. She and her husband, Mark, are the type of couple that rivals Dave and myself in cuteness. People awww at them wherever they go. They are happy, they are stable, and they are polyamorous.
If, like me, you need that defined– polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. (According to Wikipedia.)
I encouraged Sara to open a blog around the time I opened mine to compile her thoughts and experiences– but while the blogosphere welcomed my geekiness and quirkiness with open arms, it was not such a nice place for Sara. She was bullied. Her entries into challenges weren’t accepted. She was sent hate emails.
So, she closed down her blog– unwilling to deal with the drama of it all. I respect the decision, of course, but I can’t help but feel that maybe more people need to brave the abuse in order to let people in. Usually people judge subcultures because they can’t look in. In their blind fear, they (1) imagine differences, (2) assume total understand, and (3) create the idea of an enemy.
Of course, that’s not what this post is about.
It’s not about bullying, blogging, what polyamory is, or what you think of it, or what I think of it.
This post is about a word that I learned from Sara. A word called compersion.
Compersion is the empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another person experiences happiness and joy. It is colloquially described as the opposite of jealousy.
Urban Dictionary relates this primarily to romantic relationships– as in, happiness and joy experienced when another experiences happiness in joy in a romantic relationship– but everyone I know who actually uses this word regularly applies it with a wider brush.
I’ve been thinking a lot about compersion because I’ve been thinking a lot about comparison.
I couldn’t find the source for this shoe, but it’s awesome looking. Measurements are fun! Comparisons leads to trouble…
Last week at work, I explained to a foreign exchange student who was visiting my office that I lived in a room that was about 100 square feet. We converted the measurements of that for him, and indicated how much space it would be, and he said, “Ah, one day. My dream house is to have a house so big.”
Of course, in America, in Orange County, 100 square feet is a negligible amount of space.
While we were talking about measurements, I referenced the fact that I am 66 inches tall. That’s 5’6″, which is average-on-the-tall-side compared to the people I know.
“Don’t worry,” he said, “You might still grow.”
Clearly, this kid thought I was short– but he was probably comparing my height to the height of his family and friends.
Almost everything in this world is defined by comparison, and with those comparisons come jealousy and ego.
Both of those feelings usually cause more destruction than good. Ego and jealousy lie to you, distract you, and can push you into words or actions you later regret.
Compersion is the thing that keeps them both in check.
If you are compersive, you focus on the feeling of joy you have for anothers joy. If you feel compersion, you want to celebrate the success of another.
Compersion calls to the part of you that wants people to experience random acts of kindness– even if you don’t benefit from it. It speaks to the you that is grateful for every bit of luck that falls the way of strangers and friends alike.
Jealousy and ego are sour grapes, and compersion is delicious wine.
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I’m not sure what the point of that was, but I wanted to write it. It’s a combination of the opportunity to say the word coming up often, the strange conversation with the child, some more angry emails sent my way, and having to throw away my last green toothbrush because my cat licked it.
Consider it the Secret Word of the Day.
In proper Pee-Wee-Herman-style, if someone says this word around you today– you have to scream. Fun, right?
