Our first submission comes from a troubled mother, Denise H.
Dear Rhiannon,
I have a 13 year old dancer, Claire, who seems to be more and more unhappy after her dance classes. She has danced for about 7 years now, and has been with this company for 4 years. Most of the problems or frustrations are with her current modern teacher who is a senior in HS. This instructor tends to play favorites and "corrects" my daughter 4-5 times more often than anyone else in the class. I did witness it once when the moms were able to preview a special rehearsal for a trio competition piece.
I would love to request that the door be left open during the next rehearsal, or (really) would love a discreet video or audio recording of the next class. I don't think that the director would believe me that I thought my daughter was being badgered by this 4-yr older female, but how do I ignore this?
The most recent incident happened just today when there was another trio rehearsal and my daughter was completely sobbing on the way home. She said that the other 2 girls had special parts and were showcased in this dance, and she was given nothing. Actually, she was very upset that she could not preform all of her turns that she was capable of doing because the other girl beside her, was only able to do about half. Is this right that she has to "dance down" to another's level and not show all of her assets?
I have 3 daughters, but this is my only dancer. I don't know if I can trust any of the other moms and try to solve it here.
I believe that there are many great things that dance has done for my daughter, but recently I have seen it tear her apart. When do you know that you should walk away from something or decline a position in a special dance?
I hope that you have any suggestions. thank you.
Denise H.
Claire is going through something I think many of us can relate to. I know when I was a preteen and the world was suddenly transforming from something easy, never even having to make the decision of what's for lunch, into one more serious with real-world consequences and the trials that will make you who you are, I was confused. That was a time period abundant with catty girls and growing insecurities. It's a time when everything is a big deal and the things you learn about the world and yourself can stick with you for all eternity.
Dear Denise Hamilton,
Thirteen is a difficult age to be a dancer. You’re going through so many changes and are on the road to becoming who you are/will be. You try to adopt mature habits and maybe let go of childhood ones. It’s an age that I see many dancers make the decision to either commit themselves to the art wholeheartedly or move on.
First off, corrections in class can be a very good thing. Personally, as a dance teacher, I correct the students that work hard pay attention much more than the students that don’t really seem to care or want to be there. Why waste my time on a child that doesn’t want the feedback when there are other dancers chomping at the bit for critique? So maybe these corrections could be interpreted in a negative light even if it’s not the instructor’s intention. However, sometimes corrections can be given in an inappropriate or harsh manner. If this is the case, then I would recommend a conversation between you, your daughter, her instructor and the instructor’s boss (who I’m assuming is the school director). I think it would be a good idea to bring it to the director’s attention before requesting a pow-wow.
It’s always hard to watch another dancer do what you know you could. We’ve all been there. And although this may not be the case, the choreographer may just be trying spreading the wealth. With an issue of “unfair or unequal treatment” there are usually two options. One is to talk with the choreographer and express how you feel and hopefully sort everything out so there isn’t such a display of favoritism. The other is to let it go and hope there will be better opportunities around the corner. Each individual circumstance will call for a different response so this is truly a judgment call on your and your daughter’s part. Personally, even if I felt I was treated unfairly, I’ve never vocally complained to a director or choreographer about my casting or position in a dance. I would say that this has worked out very well for me in the long run. I became a reliable and versatile dancer as I was happy to do whatever they needed me to and all the hard work paid off. I was promoted to soloist with my company at sixteen and have never once been dissatisfied with casting since. Sometimes it’s best to just put in the hours of sweat and stick it out. Life’s adversities reap the greatest rewards.
If your daughter is truly becoming distraught because of dance, then it’s definitely time to do some thinking. Is this because of dance itself or because of where she’s dancing? Transferring to a new school or studio is almost always an option. A different environment can change one’s entire outlook. You know that it’s time to walk away when something is no longer bringing you joy, happiness, or positivity. However, I have felt very discouraged and unhappy with dance in the past but I stuck it out and it brought me to places and gave me things I could have never even dreamed of having. Nothing worth having comes easy.
I hope this at least helps a little bit. I think ultimately it comes down to Claire realizing whether or not dance is truly something that makes her happy. Good luck, Claire and Denise!
Thank you for the e-mail and Happy Thanksgiving!
Rhiannon -
