So the case of the shady sublet continues....I suggest you make yourself a cup of coffee or better yet, pour yourself a glass of wine. This one is a mouthful but I promise that you will be at least mildly entertained. After several sent e-mails to Katie demanding my things and finally a phone call to my family lawyer, I received a confession e-mail. It turns out that my things have magically appeared. I love how lawyers have a talent for making things happen.
The charges against Katie were stressing her out to the point where she was having trouble sleeping at night and couldn't eat because she was being falsely accused of theft. Poor baby. Before her anxiety got the best of her, a mythical character named 'Nicolette' came forward to confess that she was the one who robbed me blind and wants Katie and I to forgive her for her wrong decision and will do whatever she can to resolve the situation. Excuse me while I gag.
The story is that 'Nicolette' came to visit Katie from New York and while Katie was innocently working at her fake job at The Great Canadian, 'Nicolette' took this as an opportunity to dig through the depths of my apartment and go shopping. To explain, my apartment is long and situated under the roof of my building with slanted walls like a teepee, leaving two rows of nooks on each side that are covered by curtains at the shallow end of the wall. This is where I store things. I told her that I kept some things in boxes in the nook behind my heavy kitchen table and to just leave them be but she had plenty of storage throughout the rest of the apartment.
While Katie was fake bartending, 'Nicolette', instead of exploring Paris and going to the nearby musee Picasso or the Pompidou, she decided that my apartment was the best attraction in Paris. Who needs to explore the caves of Les Catacombs when you have a chambre de bonne to go though? An obvious choice...
Apparently 'Nicolette's curiosity for my things behind the kitchen table grew so much that she could no longer resist and just had to see what was on the other side, like it was 'The Chronicles of Narnia'. She removed the lamp and the plant off the table, dragged the cumbersome and heavy kitchen table over the carpeted floor, pulled the curtain aside, slid a second table I had leaning up against the nook, moved a stack of about 100 magazines, pulled out a heavy box, took a knife and cut open the tape, fished through dirty laundry (panties included. Gross, right?) and found the fashion mecca. LVMH in a box. Dior, Marc Jacobs, Louis Vuitton, oh my!
'Nicolette' had no other choice but to steal what she had found but soon faced a predicament, she didn't have enough room in her suitcase to carry all of my possessions across the Atlantic. What's a thief to do?! Ta-da! A large suitcase appeared behind the box that was stuffed with my winter coats. 'Nicolette' took the coats out of the suitcase (a beautiful olive green Givenchy trench, a camel Marc by Marc Jacobs peacoat and a vintage Missoni) and left them rolled up in a ball in the corner of my apartment. She then packed herself a bag filled with vintage dresses, Marc Jacobs collection handbags, vintage Dior sweaters, Louis Vuitton makeup bags and my favorite; a "Joyeux Anniversaire" banner. Yes, Happy Birthday to you, whore.
So Katie came home from 'work' and 'Nicolette' had this new huge suitcase with her and a is carrying a Marc Jacobs Collection glitter Bag on Bag (which was a gift from my former boss after working 60 hour weeks for three months, but you know whatever. A detail.) and Katie asks where she got such a fabulous bag. 'Nicolette' replies "A vintage store in Paris." Yes, 'Nicolette' managed to find the cheapest, coolest vintage store in Paris to stock up on French luxury items because after all since it's made here it must be cheaper. In fact this store was so cheap that she had to buy a new suitcase to carry all of her new and cheap 'findings'. Katie doesn't think this is weird or the fact that there are rolled up coats in the corner but to give Katie the benefit of the doubt, she was probably exhausted from a long day at her fake job.
Shortly after said incident, Katie can't be found when I try to reach her. She had erased and blocked me on facebook, ignored e-mails and has for all intents and purposes was gone. What was she hiding from if she had no idea that 'Nicolette' stole my things? Upon departure of my flat, she was instructed to call Sebastien, give him the keys and let him do a walk through. Standard practice that normal innocent people do when they leave apartments. When questioned, Katie told me that a man knocked on the door and told her to get out or he'd call the police and instead of calling me, Sebastien or telling him to fuck off she told me that she left and added that she was inconvenienced. You were inconvenienced?
To recap, I get robbed by 'Nicolette', an unidentifiable man kicked her out of my flat, she deleted her facebook because she was trying to get a 'real job' and she couldn't talk to me on the phone because her phone got turned off because she couldn't pay the bill and was writing to me from a rest stop on her way to the Burning Man festival in Nevada. I can't even make this stuff up at this point.
So now Katie is pulling a 'Cybil' where she only contacts me as 'Nicolette' and no longer responds to e-mails because 'Nicolette' did it. I still write to Katie but make sure to CC the made-up person.
Should I have left such valubales in my flat? No. I take fault in my naive decision 100%. Did I know she was going to seriously deep dig through my apartment and find hidden nooks with taped up boxes and go through a layers of dirty laundry before finding the holy grail? No. To add another layer of sleaze, Katie 'liked' certain pictures of me on facebook where I'm wearing the items in dispute. Thank you for using my facebook page as a catalogue marking each finding with a "like".
