One of my favorite movies to curl up with a hot cup of tea and a blanket is I Heart Huckabees, a movie that I saw on a whim at the Arclight back in L.A many moons ago. I was such a wild child.
Recently, I had asked Séb if he had seen it and was pleased with the fact that he hadn't and that it was going to be me who'd expose him to this clever, off-beat comedy. What is it about sharing movies and music that feels so good? It's like that feeling you get when you see your food coming out of the kitchen in a restaurant. Pure bliss.
In brief, the premise is that Jason Schwartzman's character is looking for the meaning of his life and wants to know if certain events are coincidences. He hires existential detectives played by Lily Tomlin and Dustin Hoffman to look into his 'case' who believe that everything in life is connected and that we're all part of a puzzle. He doubts the method when it is counter-challenged by French thinker (leave it to the French to contest everything!) played by Isabelle Huppert who thinks that the world is cold, human drama is inevitable and that everything that happens is random. I see myself on both sides of this argument where I find comfort in both.
Not having seen this movie in years, I saw it in a different light given the current events that have taken place in my life this year and got me thinking. Everything did seem connected this year, it was as if I pushed a domino in February and everything that happened was a result of what had happened before. Not one event stood on its own, but do they ever?
An existential detective would have come in handy back in the spring when I was overwhelming myself with questions that I couldn't find answers to. I was alone in Paris and didn't know what I was doing here, why my friends had stopped speaking to me during a time when all I needed was friends and if I was destined to be alone because I never seem to make a relationship work. The definition for existential crisis on wikipedia is: "The sense of being alone and isolated in the world....during a hurtful experience that leaves one seeking meaning." That was me.
Joking around I had asked Séb if existential detectives existed, at least in France. in The States, I feel like everything exists. He took it upon himself to call Duluc Detective on Rue Louvre and asked if they did this sort of thing. Oh he did.
"Do you investigate on existential cases?" was his opening question after his polite Bonjour Monsieur. He went on to explain that the problem was that the case would be from the spring as the crisis had passed but his girlfriend would like some answers wanting to know if everything is connected and what the meaning was. So not only did he ask if they investigated these kinds of cases but did they investigate them in the past. He also went on to explain that I have a blog with a lot of evidence of my past state of mind that would serve as a useful tool. There was silence on the other end and an exaggerated exhale. "Excuse moi Monsieur mais je ne comprends pas ce que vous me demandez." Séb tried to explain again, this time more clear (if that's even possible) which he was promptly transferred over to the dial tone. No dice.
"Did you just prank call that mysterious detective place over by the Louvre?" I asked in shock. "You wanted to know if this existed in France, than I wanted to know if it existed in France, so I called." he said frankly. Oh, in that case. "You know you can get arrested for prank calls in The States." I said trying to sound serious but secretly loving the fact that my boyfriend really did call and ask about my former existential crisis. "Americans! You are so cute with your little laws." he said while google searching his next victim to call. We're not cute, we're serious. Pff!
So if you were wondering if Duluc Detectives in the 1st investigate existential crises, the answer is no, so don't call and ask. What would you guys do without me?
In all seriousness, I know that a detective is not what I needed to find meaning and answers, what I needed was time. I can see everything so much clearer now that I have stepped outside of that state. I am in Paris because I love it here, my friends stopped speaking to me because someone told them I had said terrible untrue things about them and will I end up alone forever? That remains to be seen. Life is a chain of events whether they are connected or not it's still the same shit, different day and perhaps the search for happiness is more important than the search for answers.
