So its Day 17 of moving on and about 2 months since our initial break-up and today something important needs to be done. Something I have been debating on for quite some time. Something I did not want to do as I was hoping for a reconciliation. Something that may come across as immature but recognizing that my intentions are sincerely to progress in my own healing and to move on; I must free myself. I must delete him from facebook. Fucking facebook.
I am done avoiding facebook and missing out on the minutia of my friends and family who I never see in fear of what I will find out about him. I let my imagination run rampant with the fear of him changing his status from 'engaged' to 'single' and seeing all of the 'likes' from his female friends who I knew never liked me because suddenly they weren't the center of attention and could no longer call my ex at dark thirty in the morning with their guy drama. Just like his female friends, the like button holds an annoying power that would undoubtedly hurt my feelings.
I resisted adding him and announcing our 'status' in the first place in order to avoid this moment. I finally accepted his request when I felt 100% secure that this moment was not in our future. We were invincible. A unit that couldn't be broken. To quote Wallace Shawn in 'The Princess Bride', this moment seemed 'utterly and if all other things completely and totally inconceivable.' But now here I am. Faced with the inconceivable, faced with a problem my mother and father never had to deal with and now must make a decision.
Do I keep him as a 'friend' to be 'nice' and risk getting set back when he eventually changes his status and starts dating again or do I take care of me and protect myself from finding out something that I don't want to know? This goes back to my question if ignorance is bliss or is knowledge power? In my opinion ignorance keeps winning and I have to stay on my path of focusing on me and not on him. With that being said, homeboy has been DELETED! Au revoir!
© 2011 Ella Coquine
