The vacation has come to an end and it is time to head back up to New York. I was ready.
On the way to the airport I saw the best billboard for safe sex. It read: "Protect Ya Tings! Use a Condom" which my grandfather announced as we passed. "Ella, what does 'Protect Ya Tings' mean?" he asked as he strenuously turned around from the front seat. Not having enough sleep after tossing and turning all night and it being 7 in the morning, I didn't sugar coat it. "It means where a condom, Grandpa." I said dryly. "That's good advice!" he said nodding in agreement with the public announcement. Indeed it is.
Arriving at Nassau International Airport, going through customs and immigration was breeze, mostly because we arrived at the airport at quarter to 8 for a 1:30pm flight. My grandpa and I stopped at a Dunkin' Donut's in the terminal to get a cup of coffee to kill the 3 hours ahead of us. Standing in line, we planted ourselves in front of a mother holding her screaming child which was in direct ear shot of my grandfather. His good ear. We ordered two coffees which took about 15 minutes longer than necessary while the baby continued to scream at the top of his lungs. The mother was completely oblivious and looked on as if nothing was going on. "I hope she isn't on our flight" my grandfather tried to whisper in my ear but ended up announcing it to the entire Dunkin' Donuts. Including said oblivious mother.
We got back to the gate with coffee for my grandmother to sip on and we recounted the lack of efficiency and screaming baby to her. Hey, we had nothing else to do. "I wanted to talk to you about that." my grandmother said with a mix of concern and disgust on her face. "Talk to me about what? My coffee intake?" I asked ready to agree with the fact that I drink too much of it. "Well, you are getting up there in age and it will become more and more difficult to have children" she said as if she is filling me on the 8th mystery of the world. I don't even know if I want children. I'm just trying to get through this week without committing suicide and/or homicide. Her throat tightened up and with pursed lips said "Well that is a personal choice every couple makes and it doesn't mean you are a freak." she then took a long exaggerated breath, "How does this young gentleman, Sebastien feel about your movement against children?" Movement against children? Let me get passed the first month of dating and after a 2 week break due to long distance. Let's not scare the guy too soon. Although he many be a little freaked out by the cliff's notes of what has been going on this week. I've been sparing him detail otherwise I doubt I'd hear from him again.
We boarded the plane where I sat in between an overweight child and a father who refused to give his son the window seat because he got it on the way down. I offered to switch seats so he could be closer to his dad who responded with "I've been with him all week, you can have him now." Having children sounds awesome.
I nestled into my seat with my headphones watching the amazing Kathy Griffin show and sipping on a Bloody Mary when I heard in my right ear "Poppy!". It was the miscreant sitting next to me. "Poppy!" he screamed louder. "Poppppppppy!" I exhaled and turned to him where we were face to face. "Get my poppy!!" he demanded me while he slammed his hand down on the arm rest. Ok. I will get your poppy. I tapped Poppy who looked at me like I was insane for touching him and I gestured to his son where their communication sorted itself out without any further assistance from me. I ordered another vodka.
Throughout the flight there were several more requests for Poppy while he sprayed his cookies and chips onto my face and objects were being passed between Poppy and child.
We landed and I met up with my grandparents who looked just winded from the flight. It has been a long week for everyone. Its good to be back in New York and focusing on getting my things together before returning to France which is looking like sooner than later. A relaxing month with the family has been anything but and has been feeling more like the Salem Witch Trials. You can't change others, you can only change your perspective and today is about focusing on your own happiness regardless if others think you are a shrewd bitch. Ca va!
