Diaries Magazine


Posted on the 02 July 2013 by Susiemcbeth @susiemcbeth


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For the past while, or if I am honest, for a very long time - I have felt utterly terrible. Exhausted, sore, at points painfully freezing, and quite depressed. I have also had endless infections that reoccur like crazy, dry skin, brittle hair that breaks and my weight has got a bit out of control.
After being told that all of these things were to do with bad luck/bugs/sleepless nights from the twins not sleeping, I still had a nagging feeling that the doctors were wrong and that there was something else going on with me... And you know, you know your own body, so being me, I insisted they did some tests and not just to check if I was a bit low on iron, but the lot. Diabetes, thyroid and liver function (I suffer from hypertension and liver problems can be part and parcel with that) along with a full blood count. Anyway the short of it, is this: 
Last Monday morning I had some blood tests done and last Monday night I got told I had Thyroid Disease. 
I have a very under active thyroid and my results were so far out that the doctor was actually surprised and said that she had only actually seen a couple of other cases where the results were so bad (not sure how I should feel about that, but anyway...). She said that the results explained pretty much everything that had been going on with me and with the right medication and dosage I should feel normal again (for the most part).
All of that sounds great right? To be fair It is - but it is going to take a bit of time to get there. Apparently it can take about 2 months to get the dosage right, 6 weeks or so before you start to feel better and even with the right medication and dose there will good and bad days. Still all in all it is great. So why do I feel so bad?
Well, firstly being told that I have a disease that can only be managed and not cured, and that I will have it for the rest if my life is kind of depressing and also a bit of a shock and something that I need to get used to. Plus, I have never been someone who is good at remembering to take medication, which is now something that I really cannot slack on.
Secondly, I still feel horrendous as obviously the medication is not at the right dose yet and I have only just started it. I still feel like crying at every tiny thing and I am still freezing and exhausted, plus I also have some lovely side-effects from the new meds to deal with (which are mostly pretty gross so I won't go into them here).
Thirdly, some of the people I have shared this news with have decided to take the approach of:
"Well, it is not that big a deal, the medication will sort it out, so it is all good - and you know it could have been something's serious, so you should be grateful".
This is somewhat hard for me to swallow as, you know what? It is serious for me. It is something that I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life and though it is not cancer or some other very terrible illness (that I am very grateful not to have), it is a big shock and something that I need to be vigilant about as your levels can change anytime and if not properly treated it can lead to liver failure, heart disease, ovary failure and a whole host of other things - plus it makes you super depressed. Maybe I am being overly sensitive at the moment, but even so, I feel like I have every right to be shocked and not so smiley. Don't get me wrong I am glad I have treatment and that I will soon be feeling better - I just wish I didn't have anything wrong with me to start with. 
And lastly - the twins have decided that this is the week to unleash serious amounts of naughtiness out into the world. Of all the weeks...
What I would like to say though is this:
My doctor said that this disease can easily go unnoticed until it gets really bad, as the symptoms are so similar to a lot of common things. So if you feel tired, that weight is not shifting, or seems to have appeared out of nowhere, you are overly cold, you have dry skin and brittle hair and are feeling quite down but can't quite work out why - ask your doctor for a thyroid blood test, you never know and it is better to get it treated as soon as possible.
I feel miserable and sore now but I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

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