Have you noticed the price of curtain rods these days? Sheesh. Highway robbery.
Have you noticed how UGLY most curtain rods are? Fugly.
Our DIY mission : to rid the curtain rod fugly for a fraction of the cost.
Now don’t make faces at me { like the Home Depot dudes did.} I told them to be nice or leave. Then I reminded myself that they worked there. Hmm. Whateves.
Me : I want to pimp out my curtains with metal pipes.
Home Depot dude : Why?
Me : Because. I’m smart like that. So there.
These curtain rods are d’bomb dot com.
They are bombalicious.
Nobody has used that word to describe a curtain rod in the history of the universe.
That all changes here and now.
It all started like this :
With small spaces …
My sons bedroom is a teenie weenie polka dot bikini of a space. The room is so small, you can’t swing a cat in there. Not that I would swing a cat. I’ve contemplated it. Does that count? No. Way.
Small imperfect spaces require creative mojo.
When we moved to the countryside, no one warned me about farmhouse plaster walls and other farm-like things. Those unmentionable farmy things can smell like the inside of a belly button.
Your small complicated spaces don’t feel so bad after all now, do they?
Want to feel even better?
Our farmhouse walls are made of plaster. I repeat. Freaking plaster.
Have you ever tried to hammer a nail into a plaster wall?
It is like pushing a rope uphill.
Shoot me. Shoot me now.
Let’s change the subject.
Ready for the small room tour?
It will take moments. Don’t blink. You’ll miss it.
Okay. It’s over. Jokes.
Note: The walls are painted in a matte finish. For the love of Pete … people … stop painting walls with shiny paint. Shiny paint is not only fugly on a wall, it shows off every imperfection in the history of ever. Don’t do it. Don’t be that girl.
Shopping list of supplies for curtain rods :
First and foremost, go hunting around the store and find the metal pipes. You can’t miss them. They are about a million feet tall and stand straight up on end. When you find them, don’t play around with them. Imagine Lucille Ball and a conveyor belt. That would be you.
As I walked through the store with a 49 foot pole wobbling out of my what seemed like a miniature cart, I prayed that I wouldn’t decapitate a fellow shopper.
If you make it to the front of the store without taking out a person by the knees, walloping their head or knocking all the inventory off of the store shelves…. well then … congratulations. Clap yourself up.
You get a star.
Next task at hand, cutting the pipe :
Next, you will need to promise your hand in marriage to bribe the Home Depot workers to cut the metal pole for you. Do it. A girl has to do what a girl has to do.
If they give you a hard time, tell them that you are making a towel rack with the left over pieces.
They will think you are genius.
What you Need:
Detailed photos. Got ‘em. You will need the photos for when you want to show off your mad DIY designer skills to the dudes in the hardware store.
Note to self : men need photos. They won’t get it without the photos. Do it.
Beware : They will stare at you like a crazed person when you tell them that you want to use plumbing pipes to make a curtain rod. Tell them to shut their face.
You are on a mission.
Get a move on.
You need to find your curtain rod ends now. There are lots of fun choices. Here are the ones that I picked out :
1. Curtain Rod ends : Galvanized Iron Tee
Look at that photo. Oh.My.Word.
It appears that I have a screw loose.
Keep calm and carry on.
Pay attention to this part : The wallpapered ceiling. We will come back and talk about that one later.
Next supply that you need to look for …
2. Base to hold curtain rod on the wall trim : Galvanized Iron Floor Flange
Let’s not forget the itty bitty parts called nipples …
3. The post from the wall that connects the flange and the tee so you can hold the rod in place : Galvanized steel pipe nipple
Why does the word nipple make me smirk ? Immature.
4. Curtain Rod : Steel pipe
Have the Home Depot dudes cut the length that you need.
Make them do it.
Stand over them like a hot mess.
It is their duty to help you create curtain rod sexiness. Unless you have some sort of heavy-duty cutter thingy at your house. I didn’t. I was desperate. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
* Note :
Do not pay attention to the exact size of pipes/ fittings in the links above. Some are one inch, two inches, blah blah blah. You need to stand in the store and make sure the ends fit your poles. Got it? Got it.
- Get the size that work best for your proportionate window size.
- Remember that you will need a pole that fits into your curtain holes.
Okay. Enough already.
Smirked again. Whatupwitdat?
Voila. One Curtain rod down. Fifty five more things to do to decorate the bedroom. And make some breakfast while you are at it. Great. Welcome to my life. Good times.
I’d like some eggs and bacon please. Crispy bacon while you are at it.
Ready for the next part? This is the fun part. Pour yourself a cup of energy mud because it is time for some good times retail therapy. Head straight to West Elm.
Pretty much everything in that store is the cats meow. LOVE.
Curtains :
I adore the curtains at West Elm. Lurve them. I might have left some drool on them the last time I visited the store. I rubbed the curtains on my cheeks … and purred like a kitten. They are that good.
I particularly love these plush velvety curtains. They are so soft, you could literally wrap them around your body and wear them out as a dining gown.
Yes, that dreamy.
Well. You might look like a toga wearing Greek goddess. Hey. When in Rome. Do as the Romans do.
Or Greece.
Or my sons bedroom.
It all works.
Wait. Get out of my sons bedroom in that funny dress.
Bunk Bed Lighting :
I bought these lights about a billion years ago at Lowe’s.
If you need a lighting solution that is not over the moon expensive and yet creative…
Lowe’s is ‘yer man.
These lights were quite inexpensive AND I loved the old-fashioned pull cord on them.
The lights also play nicely with Archie comics.
Everything is just better with an Archie comic in it.
shine bright love strong
Ceiling :
When we first moved into our place the ceilings frightened me. Like Amityville horror sort of fright. They would crumble as one stared at them. It was creepy. And fugly. We sprayed the crumbly bits (which basically meant the entire ceiling) down with water and scraped it down as flat as we could get it.
If I just made that sound easy, I would like to apologize right now.
I would rather eat a frog than do that again.
That ceiling is the reason why I learned the fast way to drink vodka. Straight up. Out of a sippy cup. To ease the suffering.
Vodka is just awesome water.
The paintable wallpaper was, however, a perfect solution to hide the not so perfect ceiling.
* you can see a close up of the wallpapered ceiling in the detail photos above. The pattern is similar to a tin ceiling pattern.
… Yes… go back and look at the fugly detail pics that you are supposed to be printing off for the Home Depot dudes. Remember the blank stare that they will give you when you suggest plumbing pipes for curtain rods?
Flash your curtain rod photos.
This is your moment to shine.
Whip that photo out of your pocket.
Good one.
Give yourself a pat on the back. Shake your own hand. Happy dance.
Point your fingers.
Caulk your finger guns.
Shoot off your cowboy guns.
Yosemite sam !
You are a pistol.
Next, pull your t-shirt over your head and run up and down the Home Depot aisle like a footballer after scoring an epic goal.
Celebrate.
You deserve it.
Your curtain rods will be gorgy gorgeous.
Take that Home Depot dudes.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Voila.
Gorgy gorgeous curtain rods. Done.
I need a nap.
A special thank you to my son Brett, for letting me share his bedroom digs this week.
To my beautiful boy… I love you with all my heart and soul.
Now, my friends … it’s your turn.
Go make some curtain rods. Do more of what makes you awesome.
Live simply. Be kind. Love others. Design the Life you Want to Live.
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I am so very grateful for each and every one of you.
The world is more beautiful with you in it.
