Most of the concepts I choose to write about are inspired by thorough observation. I back some concepts by articles that I read on trusted websites, and choose to reinforce the rest by personal observations that have been proved to be valid and applicable through behavioristic consequences. Despite the cruel labeling on my part, I decided, in this article, to divide individuals according to the principles and core beliefs that stimulate their choices and patterns of thinking.
Let's start by fixing this idea; there are two kinds of adopted psychological tendencies: those belonging to ambitious, oriented and successful individuals and those embraced by the less able to be persistent and determined-It's obvious how strenuously I am trying to not be offensive!
Each sort of individuals possesses three distinct core functional principles. Of course, the three principles of the less able to be persistent are opposite to the ones who are adopted by the ambitious and successful.
Here are they:
1: Justifying/rationalizing
*Frankly, justifying is a spectacular tool; it requires the least effort and it simply gives you a reason to do things. Justifying, simply put, is the ability to validate actions regardless of their faulty nature by relying on external factors such as individuals possessing similar actions. It heals to resort to atmospheres in which you can find your doings, even if wrongful, acceptable. It inspires a satisfying sense of security. Rarely do i find obnoxious patterns of behaviors conducted by a sole individual; he/she is probably seeking psychological shelter in being a part of something bigger to alleviate their innate resistance to defy righteousness. So, whoever finds it unnecessarily strenuous to pursue a goal or achieve a dream, goes running frantically, searching for dreamless slackers to thrive upon.
Justifying is the art of validating. Some people are really good at giving themselves a reason to reassure their choices. Not every adopted justification is a reflection of failure, however. We sometimes need to justify to deter ourselves from sliding into stifling frustration. Imagine, for example, somebody who has just been to the gym for the first time in his life-based on a true story! If this individual happened to see all of these muscled and puffy guys, working out, bumping into each other's chests, how will he be able to temporarily come to terms with his scraggy arms and slender shoulders without adopting a justification that may sound like, '' Well, I've just started. It's certainly ok for me to be in this way. They sure weren't born like that! I know that I can outdo them someday!''
*Rationalizing, on the other hand, thrives upon renewable internal beliefs. People pursuing success, generally speaking, finds it doable to pace alone. You don't need somebody escorting you if you know where you're going, right? But you certainly need company if pacing aimless. It makes it less tense for your heart to look at somebody and know that he/she is as lost as you're. It gives you a reason.
If you're a justifier, you do things according to reasons. Also, if you're a rationalizer, you do things according to embraced reasons. The crucial difference lies within what stimulates your actions. If you chose not to study, you would probably resort to the difficulty of the subjects and how lousy the lecturers are as reasons by which you can console and feed your desire to not study. On the other hand, if you chose to study, you would resort to how you should not allow barriers and difficulties to hinder you from implementing your goals regardless of what.
In a nut shell, rationalizing is the tool of the ambitious and oriented to survive, whereas justifying is a tool of those who hide among cheering crowds.
2: Seeking self-acceptance/social belonging:
*Generally, self-acceptance is not congruent with wanting to socially belong. It is correct that belonging is securing in startling ways. When you pull on your costly pair of jeans and your sleek-looking original converse, you feel a part of something. You observed this life style being manifested and you got impressed by the social groups that adopt this particular appearance. When you wore them and paced across knots of people, it made you feel confident and secure, simply because you satisfied a gnawing need to belong.
We also yearn for social belonging in terms of being recognized and acknowledged. Nothing draws gleefulness upon withered faces as strong as appreciation and recognition do; they gift a sense of self-worth and value; they temporarily toss away the thoughts that devalue you, bringing back the memories and dark secrets that nobody knows about; the secrets that ruin and consume in the darkest ways of all.
When an individual starts running out of internal reasons to feel contended, he/she starts resorting to the praises and flattery to reignite his/her sense of value and importance. Gradually, this dire tendency to build satisfaction upon social-belonging grows more powerful and addictive. In its worst phase, you turn into a helpless addict, searching hysterically for a better reflection of one's self. It's when your desire to socially belong grows at the expense of your willingness to self-accept. It's when you favor sinning to satisfy sinners over self-accepting and rectifying to cure yourself.
*Self-acceptance, on the other hand, comes down to caring about your well-being more than anything else. It requires a solid determination tinged with righteous selfishness. Seeking self-acceptance can sometimes fail to correspond seeking social belonging, because, usually, each need requires different tenets to adopt.
Coming to terms with who you're requires you to see healthy reflections in privately owned mirrors and in the mirrors of everybody else. It's when they eye you favorably while you fail to do likewise that you lose in the most unfortunate ways of all.
Recognized roads to success harbor signs, cautioning you from responding to a need to belong at the expense of a soul treated remorselessly. It's a sensitive equation that you need to balance.
3: Defensiveness/openness:
*The 2 in 1 process that almost all of us utilize: Defend & justify. It sucks being accused, right? I mean, even if the accusation is valid, it simply sucks. Sentences like '' YOU'RE WRONG" seem to successfully trigger in us a need to defend. It's an innate and spontaneous need, followed by a deluge of justifications to save face. This trait is truly unfavorable. It only belongs to the deficient in maturity. It simply bruises your ego to endeavor to apologize. You feel massive resistance inside of you that you have to fight fiercely to triumph. When your baby brother/sister blows your cover, and catches you off guard in a situation when you failed to do the right thing, you aggressively embark on defensing and defensing till it wears out the one you're talking to; till it causes him/her to dislike addressing you. Why? Because you refuse to admit wrongfulness; because you're too cocky and boastful to be labeled wrong.
In another words, defensiveness, followed by justifying, pertains to your inability to characterize yourself as wrongful. Obviously, this perceptual belief is counterproductive to success, because openness and self-awareness requires you to fancy knowing your weak spots and work on them- too idealistic?
*Openness, which is closer in meaning to surrendering, is choosing to listen with something more than your ears. Openness comes in conjunction with a desire to grow more mature; the more you favor self-development and growth, the more you will desire feedbacks and reviews about you perform to further rectify your mistakes and weak points. The more maturely you embrace openness, the less defensive you will grow, appreciating criticism, regardless of its kind.
Justifying/rationalizing, seeking self-acceptance/social belonging, and defensiveness/ openness approaches are the extremes located on different sides. You don't have to be 100% open, rational, and self-accepted to be characterized as successful, you have to be inclined to adopt these tenets instead of the other ones more likely though-I might have written this paragraph to further justify not 100% committing to what I've just written!
Success is strenuous; it is demanding and it can wear you out before reaching the end of the road. Pursue it with persistence and take the time to analyze your life and beliefs to see if they require modifications.
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ιиѕριяє∂ ву: Extensive observation of myself.
