Self Expression Magazine

Get out of the COMPARISON TRAP!!!

Posted on the 31 May 2012 by Unforgettable
“Do they eat any better than you???” “Do they get any better facilities than you???” Tola Ram, father of Manoj shouted on his son so unexpectedly. While Manoj was wondering to know whether any of his previous year's academic report card has been found by his father or what other matter is it which is helping his father in his routine work of scolding and comparing him with others, he got to know that that day his neighbour's son, and a relative who lives at large from them has secured marginally more percentage than what was secured by him in his senior secondary exams. Manoj never thought that this topic will again bring him sadness when after three years have passed and he had no more relations with the senior secondary board. But to his dismay, every other mark that he couldn't secure was hitting him in his heart and he was being compared by his inch tape parents with others.

“Even the toilets of their houses are of classic Indian style” :P The father resorted to say. “Wahi acche nikle phir toh...” (they have become good) his father continued to compare while manoj was listening and cursing himself in his heart that why couldn't he score that much. Then came the same words and sentences as used by his father in every comparison trick like they will get admitted to better university or colleges, they will get better jobs and will lead happier and better life contributing to ensure that others will lead a better life than Manoj not paying any heed towards the capability of the child to deal with the inch tape. (Manoj ki toh laga di) Oh yeaaa.. you read it write, He was Tola Ram. Arrey Uncle, What if Manoj had secured marginally more marks than others, then would you have expected the same to be done by their parents..??? Gustaakhi Maaf (Sorry to say) but Tola Ram ho toh Baatein bhi toh tol mol kar karo na… (Choose your words wisely). Further, what have you done if Manoj had compared you with the neighbor whose son has secured marginally upwards percentage than him??? Bolo Bolo..!!! On further findings while observing some similar situations, I concluded it as an endemic disease which ruins one’s personality. So, here I am for the very first time to provide some tips regarding your personality to help you get out of the comparison trap in which you might be finding yourself.

Remember, that your child has grown up watching Popeye-The Sailor Man  who proudly said 'I yam what I yam!' which is true in its meaning. Every person is unique and different and will behave differently in different situations. Don’t make him/her back out when he is fighting the hardest  battle a human being can fight which is to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else.
It takes a lot of self-confidence for people to consult their internal resources to determine what they want to do, and when people don’t have that self-esteem, they use the only other standards available—comparisons with others. Following one’s own bent is a tough job. It is easy to follow the crowd. When you look outward for your behavioral cues, your comparison-vision dictates most of your judgments. How do you know that you are intelligent?—you compare yourself to others. How do you know if you are stable? Charming? Poised? Successful? Actualized?—by checking out how others around you are doing and then deciding where you fit in the comparison scale. In other words, the person’s self-image is formed on the basis of perceiving how others react towards him. The self-comparison game is a deadly game because your assessments of yourself are always controlled by something outside you which you cannot regulate. It deprives you of internal security as you cannot be certain how others assess you. You are robbed of your individuality and become a lost and hopeless victim of the game—a sort of copycat or a discreet sheep.
Avoiding the comparison trap is essential to the development of personality which means “fidelity to the laws of one’s being”.  “Personality can never develop unless the individual chooses his own way, consciously and with moral deliberation” read a saying. Have a good look at yourself and your very personal aspirations, and appreciate the absurdity of running your life on the basis of comparisons with others. People who are interested in having you to be as they are, or as they want you to be, will repeatedly remind you of how others are doing things to give you solid examples to follow. Resist their suggestions and your own temptation to look outside yourself for model. Be your own model avoiding any hero worship. Comparisons in fact make no sense, for two reasons: you are unique in the world and you are always alone. Techno geeks can consider themselves as primary keys also. ;) There is only one YOU and you take that YOU wherever you go. No one is even remotely like you in terms of your innermost feelings, thoughts and desires. So here’s the conclusion drawn that give free play to your individuality. Follow your own bent of mind no matter what other people say. Never follow the crowd. Design your own life style and follow it with calm self-confidence, and creative courage. Samajh gaye na Tola Ram Ji.. ?? :P

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