I once read a blog post that completely changed my views in just a few sentences. It shared a stark, simplistic opinion on something to which I never gave much thought. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the blog name or blogger’s name.
The issue seemed small when I started reading it. It was about whether or not to mandate that a child hug people.
Before the post, I guess I never thought about it much. It was simply a matter of etiquette. If my niece didn’t want to hug her grandpa, I urged her to do so anyway. If my godmother demanded hugs on entries, I explained to her great-god-kids why they should provide them.
I never punished the kids for not hugging, or shamed them– but I have to admit, there have been bribes. Plus, I’m a very effective “urger”. Sometimes I’m not sure if adults truly agree with the things I convince them to do.
The writer of the post in question was struggling to explain to her family that she had no intention of requiring her daughter to give hugs. She said, and I’m paraphrasing here– that these moments of her daughter’s life were building blocks to the future. She wanted her daughter to know that her hugs and kisses were valuable– that it was not anyone’s right to take them.
Now, if you’ve read anything in the blogosphere, you have encountered stories of abuse, mental and physical. You’ve heard horror stories about young adults forcing themselves to be comfortable with physical actions under the guise of duty. There’s also a lot of stories of bullies in marriage or relationships using guilt to enforce their way.
Even if there’s only a 1% possibility that those situations occur because of the preface we set in early childhood, it’s too big of a risk for me to take with the children who depend on me.
I’m not a parent, and I’m not preaching here. I know there are many situations where giving hugs to safe, loved ones is a method of building boundaries that a child may be born without– but I’ve stopped participating in that process. I’ve told my godkids, nieces, and nephews that they can give high fives to everyone, or handshakes, or blow a kiss– but their bodies are their own to own.
Am I taking a small issue too seriously?
Probably, but in my experience, it’s the small problems that create big mess in the future– and I’m hoping to leave my beloved little ones a clean and happy tomorrow.
The sort that makes them want to go out into the world and give everyone a hug.
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Have you ever flip-flopped on an issue after reading a blog post? Have you ever given thought to the little things we teach to children at young ages that shape their decisions later in life?
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/07/18/daily-post-transition/
