What is it about?
Invisible Conditions is a documentary that began around 3 months ago for an assignment given to me at college. I had to produce 12 images that focus on one subject, and I chose to explore mental health illnesses. I am very interested in this area of work and decided that I wanted to learn more about it from a sufferers point of view. My aim for this documentary is to raise awareness and help more people understand that we do not know what other people are going through in their lives. It’s so easy to pass judgment on someone we don’t, or even do, know.
My final evaluation for this assignment
I have thoroughly enjoyed the interesting and informative journey this documentary has taken me on. I have learnt countless new things and have widened my knowledge not only on mental health issues, but understanding people as, well… people. I wanted to focus on a subject that not only interested me but was close to my heart as well, so I decided to research further into mental health illnesses. Knowing a few people close to me that have to deal with these problems each and every day made me realize that people on the outside have absolutely no idea what others are going through. A simple frown or a simple smile can either make or break one persons day, and some people definitely do not realize this. Some people are more sensitive than others, some can take criticism, some can’t, some can take jokes as a joke, and some can’t. What I wanted to portray was that anyone could pass someone in the street, and just by looking at them they cannot possibly know what they are going through. Many people, like myself, are quick to judge others actions. If someone did or said something that I didn’t agree with, I’d instantly begin to judge their views and look at them in a negative light. However talking to some people about their problems, they are aware of doing it but find it very hard to stop.
Following this documentary has been emotional for me for a few different reasons. One of those reasons was because I had to interview some people very close to me. Some we’re my friends and family that until asking people to come forward and help, I had no idea they were suffering. (The whole point of the documentary!) I was so pleased that they felt they could trust me and wanted to help me, but at the same time it was hard to realize that after all these years of knowing them, I didn’t know them quite as much as I thought I did.
Not only did I learn new things about people close to me, I also began to understand myself a little better. I do not for one minute believe that I suffer from a mental health issue, however some of the things people described to me that they go through I could easily relate to. I often found myself thinking in my head ‘oh I feel like that sometimes’ or ‘I do that too’. After many interviews I went away and thought about myself as a person, wondering if I was a sufferer of if I just had traits of mental health illnesses.
I feel like this was a successful documentary and not only myself but other people have begun to think about their own actions and realize that we do not know what others go through. I think the images go well together as a series, focusing on 12 different people who suffer from mental health illnesses. I love the black and white consistency, like many documentaries, and feel it makes it that much more professional and serious.
If I were to do this documentary again or expand on it I would explore more of the sufferers lives. I would love to take more images of their daily routines or possibly even make a video of what they have to go through.
Overall I feel this documentary has not only helped me as a photographer and become more confident in talking to and approaching different people, but it’s helped me as a person in everyday life also. I am much more understanding, and if I begin to think something negative about someone, I remind myself that I do not know everything about them and have no right to judge them. This has encouraged me to become more patient with people, and also myself.
Imagery
The images I have taken are all in black and white and have the same composition. I wanted all of the images to have a consistency and look like a series. I have put the word of the illness each person suffers with over their eyes, as this is a very emotional part of someone’s face. Eyes can often ‘sparkle’ as some people say, showing happiness, but they can also look dull and sad. I wanted the subject to be in normal surroundings, usually a coffee shop, and looking happy as they would in day-to-day life. A smile can sometimes be deceiving, and this is what I wanted to portray in my images… that a smile is not always true.
Sufferers
I have photographed and interviewed 12 sufferers, however not all of them wanted to be involved in the online documentary. Here are the people who were confident enough to share their story with you.
Ashley – Depression and Anxiety
Ashley has been dealing with mental health issues for over 10 years now. With anxiety and minor depression it took him over 5 years to pluck up the courage and visit a doctor. The death of his younger sister triggered his issues and he began to drink in order to forget. He began taking medication, which in the first three months gave him suicidal thoughts, although he says that he would never be so stupid to act upon them. Now he relies on the medication and instead of drinking he cleans and walks his dogs to keep himself busy and to take his mind away from the negative thoughts.
Ashley often used to ask himself ‘why me?’ but now he has gotten used to the fact that this is him, and the only way he can deal with it is by first accepting it.
Kayley – Borderline Personality Disorder
Kayley is 24 years old and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder whilst at university in 2007. When she realised that she needed help, she started having counseling at her university and this helped her at her darkest times. She felt relieved when they diagnosed her, but then had to face trying to overcome it each and every day.
Knowing what she’s doing helps Kayley get through the day, and organization helps her to control her emotions. Being tired can affect her mood and can decide if she has a good or bad day.
Having borderline personality disorder means that Kayley worries and can often over analyze things resulting in her cancelling plans. She doesn’t like having 1 to 1 meetings and prefers to see her friends in groups as she fears that they won’t have anything to talk about. However Kayley does confide in one friend who also suffers from the same mental disorder, so she finds relief and comfort in this.
Many people don’t understand borderline personality disorder and due to the name it can be confused with schizophrenia. BPD is where you can feel extremely happy one day, then the next at a complete low. People like Kayley have to arrange their lives around what they are doing. For example if she knew she were going to be doing something really exhilarating she would need to account for a couple of days after to get through the negative feelings she experiences straight after.
Kayley often turned to comfort eating on bad days, and one night she ate 24 packets of crisps due to not wanting to leave her room and face her flat mates. Because of this she tries to stick to a strict diet so that she does not slip into that routine again.
Upon meeting Kayley you would never guess that she suffers from borderline personality disorder. When she hides behind a smile and waits to deal with the lows alone no one would ever know. This is how easy it is for suffers to deal with their issues all by themselves and never confide in anyone, going through it without help. This very often isn’t the answer to overcoming mental health issues.
Lauren – OCD
21-year-old Lauren suffers from OCD. She doesn’t take medication and feels uncomfortable with counseling so she completely relies on herself to try to control it and keep it from getting out of hand.
OCD is probably one of the most ‘visible’ mental disorders as it can be recognised when people act strange or abnormal, however it’s usually only obvious when people are more aware and almost searching for it.
Having OCD has never stopped Lauren from doing anything however it does delay things, resulting in her needing more time to prepare for things and doing simple tasks such as leaving the house. The mirrors in her room are set up so that she can check her back for anything on her and she must check the locks four times until she is satisfied. When asking Lauren what would happen if she didn’t do these things she said that she thought something bad would happen and felt like she would die. This is a serious illness and can start to take over people lives. It’s not just doing things in fours, it’s little things like checking plug sockets are turned off and that products are ordered in size and washing her hands before and after certain tasks. Some people can relate to these issues and may confuse certain habits as OCD, however having the mental illness is much more serious. It’s not a case of preferring things to be tidy and organised; it’s something that these people have to do, no matter what. If it’s not done it wont leave their minds until they can put it right.
Lauren says that she doesn’t often talk about her problems because she feels embarrassed and afraid that people will judge her way of life. This is understandable and even if she did confide in other OCD sufferers their needs will very often be different to hers. It’s important to be patient with people who suffer from mental illnesses, but this is difficult if you are unaware what people are going through.
Taryn – Bipolar and Schizophrenia
Taryn was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2009 and bipolar in 2012. At just 17 years old now, this is a very young age to deal with such illnesses. She refuses to take medication as she believes this would be a constant reminder every morning, and for someone who can go weeks or even months without thinking about it she wouldn’t want to put that on herself.
Taryn feels that she leads a life similar to non-sufferers and can deal with a normal routine. Changes do not affect her and her mental disorders have never stopped her from doing certain activities. However, she only likes to talk about her issues when she chooses to and she doesn’t like to be forced. On numerous occasions Taryn’s schizophrenia has taken over and driven her to drugs, drink and violence. She has also self-harmed which put her in a lot of danger.
Taryn finds that walking on fire helps her to control her emotions and encourages her to remember what she has achieved in her life. She is determined not to let her mental health issues affect her too seriously and walking on fire takes her to a place she feels free and herself.
Upon first meeting Taryn I saw that she was a polite, kind girl who has been unlucky in life. She is a chatty, bubbly person with a huge smile that would never suggest what she goes though.
Ruby – Borderline Personality Disorder and Autism, Asperger’s
Ruby is just 17 years old and has to deal with borderline personality disorder and autism, Asperger’s every single day. Although she was relieved when she found out what was wrong with her, she felt sad that she had to be labeled and was different from everyone else. Ruby and her mom feel that nothing happened to trigger the mental health issues; it was just bad luck for Ruby. Ruby gets very confused easily and struggles to read emotions in certain situations. This has led to difficult times for Ruby and she has experienced negative things in her life due to her vulnerability. Ruby’s mother had to quit her job to look after her full-time at home and Ruby feels that her mother is the only person that understands her properly. Although she is on medication she still needs constant care. Her teenage life is very different to what you would expect, rarely going out with friends and being with her mother all of the time. Despite this she is very happy with the way her life is.
It’s best for Ruby to stick to a daily routine otherwise she will stay in bed all day. If an activity was cancelled this would anger her and she would feel the need to fill the gap doing something else.
Ruby’s education was hugely effected due to her mental health issues. Her school was unable to recognize her problems and refused to accept that something was wrong. Despite her mother fighting for Ruby to have more help and attention at school, this did not happen. Ruby is now getting the right help that she needs and is determined to pass English, Math’s and Health and Social Care to prove that she is capable of success.
Freya – Depression
Freya was diagnosed with depression at an extremely young age of 13. Whilst she was relieved she had been diagnosed and found the cause of her sadness, at the same time she didn’t want to believe that she was a sufferer of a mental illness.
Like most people who suffer from depression, Freya likes to make plans, however feels sad and lost if they are rescheduled or cancelled. Her day depends on how she is feeling when she wakes up, and on a bad day she will find it difficult to do normal daily tasks such as getting out of bed and showering.
Depression has ruined Freya’s education as stress only makes it worse. She has started and quit two college courses and this makes her feel like she has failed herself. Despite this she is now working part-time and she enjoys this as she can leave work happy and not have to think about it before her next shift.
When Freya was younger she used to harm herself and have suicidal thoughts, however this got better when she grew up and learnt to deal with her emotions and problems. She has found that having depression has forced her to mature quicker and grow into an adult.
Sarah – Depression
Sarah is 19 years old and suffers from depression. Other family members have experienced depression but have successfully overcome it. She believes that it is hereditary and is a chemical imbalance. Despite her childhood, she does not believe this is what caused her depression.
From a young age Sarah has often felt sad and lonely, many times for no reason. Whilst anti depressants help her, you can never escape depression. Anything can trigger a bad mood and she can even wake up with a negative attitude for no reason. Although Sarah has had to deal with this condition, she is still very dedicated to her work and has been studying film and photography for the past 4 years of her life. Watching online videos on a website called TED has helped inspire Sarah and has often kept her on the right track. However she does avoid watching the news because negative stories can have a big effect on her mood and cause her to feel low again.
Sarah has gone through her life looking down at the floor and avoiding eye contact as she feels that others are judging her and knows what she is going through. This is terrible way for someone to have to live, and no one deserves that kind of treatment.
Lisa – Emotional Personality Disorder
Lisa suffers from emotional personality disorder and has done since the age of 6 when her father left her family. She believes this is what triggered it for her. Emotional personality disorder is when one person feels extreme highs and lows. Medication can be taken but Lisa chooses not to, as she doesn’t want to stop feeling the highs. Medication makes her ‘feel like a robot’ as she feels barely anything at all when taking it.
While Lisa has a supportive family, she feels it’s a taboo subject and not to be spoken of. Lisa’s mother once had to remove her from the shower after hearing her shouting and screaming, hitting her head of the wall and pulling her hair out. After this Lisa’s Mum took her to hospital to get help for her. Lisa attempted suicide at the age of 16 but she feels this was on impulse. She feels that she was stuck in a hole and couldn’t get out, and going to sleep was the only option.
Having a mental health problem isn’t all bad, it encourages Lisa to stay busy to keep her thoughts away from negative things, which means she can stay focused on tasks. Lisa is doing very well at college studying photography and has achieved a huge amount.
Julie – Depression
Julie is 37 years old and has suffered with depression since 2003. She is on anti depressants and has to have a routine in her life otherwise she tends to stay in bed all day.
Julie suffers from paranoia and feels like people know what she is going through. She believes that people do not realize what they can do to you and that there is constant pressure in the world today.
In the past Julie has relied on drink and drugs to escape her problems and has put herself in a lot of danger. She often sleeps downstairs because she doesn’t feel as lonely as she does upstairs.
In 2003 Julie had suicidal thoughts. One day she got in her car, wrapped herself up in a ball holding special photographs and wanted to simply fall asleep and escape her problems. Luckily her brother and father found her. She still has to deal with her problems today.
A huge thank you to every single person who has helped me with this documentary. I have learnt an awful lot and have met some great personalities. Many people have opened up to me, and for that I am very grateful.
