I am pissed off. If this isn’t a mood you want to read about, then move along until I write something nice. The claws of my invisible diseases reach far and wide. If I am starting to recover from one of their attacks, they must sense it. I was starting to feel better from my hip pain, so I had an intense migraine the other day that made me sick. I saw my chiropractor yesterday, and he told me to use my laptop differently. I am tightening up my neck muscles. The truth is, they are always tight, but I’m not helping. So I said okay. I started to feel better last night, but recovering from a headache that strong is no fun.
This morning, sometime around 6 o’clock, I woke up in a sweat. My entire body was on fire. I felt the sweat pop out on my forehead as I raised my head. Everything began to swim in front of me and I thought I would get sick. I put my head back down. I can’t do this again. Not again. Please God, not again. I called for my husband and only got out the word sick, and asked for a cold rag. I couldn’t tell him yet until I was sure. An hour later, my daughter tried to come in the room. I couldn’t sit up. I’m sick, I said, sorry sweetie. She knows what to do.
When she left, I tried to sit up again and found the room spinning again, and I made it to the toilet in time. Please God. Not again. I can’t take days of this again. Please. My stomach lurched. You know what I was doing…I don’t need to tell you. After that, I made it back to the bed and told my husband vertigo had returned. I hope it’s only for a day. So if you pray, think kind thoughts please. If you are one of my friends, of which only 3 usually call to check on me to be honest, I’ll get back with you later.
I am tired of this. Beyond tired of this. 17 years tired of this. If my skin wasn’t trying to blister, my urine wasn’t the color of port wine, the iron trying to rust over my organs, food trying to attack me, my joints swelling up, a cancer scare, vertigo, pain, and headaches, I don’t know what kind of person I would have been. I am only saying this to get it out. I realize there are worse things, I do. If you are currently fighting off the claws of some disease, you understand this. I just needed to say it.