Taking advantage of these last moments in New York, I'm going full force in doing things that I will no longer have access to once I'm back in France. What could I possibly miss living in the fashion and food capital of the world? Plenty, trust me. For one, enjoying my She and Him Pandora radio station. While France's Deezer, and the new rage in the music streaming community, Spotify are awesome and do the trick, if I had to choose one, I'd choose Pandora. I'm lazy and love how Pandora creates the mix for you. I don't always know exactly what I want to listen to, just the idea of it, and need a little guidance. What else will I miss? Monday night Golden Girls marathons on WeTV (obviously), going to the local pizza parlor for a slice, not a whole pie but just a slice. Something that took me moving to Los Angeles to realize is uniquely a New York thing, and finally my favorite; manis and pedis with my mom.
While nail salons certainly do exist in Paris, the only problem is that they're just awful. They're expensive, not nearly as good as what us American gals are accustomed to, the nail polish selection is limited to pink, red, and dark pink, and the worst; there is no option for the supplementary post-manicure back massage. The first time I got my nails done in Paris was in the 10th arrondissement, and foolishly requested a 10 minute massage while waiting for my nails to dry. I'm not sure if it was my at the time shitty French or it's just simply not done, either way, they looked at me like I was a pervert for asking them to rub my shoulders as I dried my nails under their fan (no, not dryer - fan).
Today, while waiting for Water, my favorite nail technician at Pink Angel Nail, I perused the nail polish rack to pick the perfect shade, looking for something that read: "My Paris Return in Autumn While Looking for a Job and Want to be Taken Seriously Yet Still Fun and Flirty". I guess the above "Bonjour" look is out, and I ended up with a safe pink with one coat of glitter. After uselessly obsessing over this detail and ignoring the fact that glitter is not serious, I indulged in my favorite nail salon hobby; reading the names of the polish. These poor colors have been branded with such ridiculous names that don't even make sense, undoubtedly by executives somewhere in a corporate cosmetics office in New York City. Saying that, I'm just going to come out with it: If there is one job that I would love to have, it would be this, naming nail polish colors! After reading several of them, it's clear that it takes a certain level of cray to come up with these names, and who better than me would be a perfect candidate? Calling Wet n' Wild.
So here goes a second round of "why the frick is that nail polish named that?" Complete with my suggestions and of course, my comments. And once again, I'll say it louder for the people in the cheap seats, can I please have this job?
!"Click it or Ticket" was a rusty orange color. The name is a little random, but if I had to use this name, personally, I would have chosen a shiny silver...like a seat belt.
"Fear or Desire" was an acid yellow. This name actually worked because this color was certainly fearful, but I like how the name is not influencing your opinion and allowing you, the consumer to decide. If paired with the right outfit, this neon yellow could very much be desirable, but with what? Let me marinate on that a bit. The name for this color though, I would have gone with Electric Youth Yellow. I love that album.
"Lovie Mc Dovie" was a pale pearly pink. I get the pink going with the lovie and the dovie, but the Mc? I don't follow. Isn't Mc supposed to be derogatory? Or was this supposed to be a play on Superbad's McLovin'? I really don't know.
"Cabana Boy" was an opaque gray which would actually have looked fabulous with one nail painted with "Fear or Desire". There! I found a use for this color! There's something so fresh about gray with a hint of neon, don't you think? While the color was pretty, the name was all wrong! When I think of cabana boys, I think of a deep taupe, like a dark tan greased up with cocoa butter, with the sun reflecting off of hard abs drenched in exotic coconut oils from Polynesia. Uh-oh, I think my inner-goddess is sleazing out again. Gross.
Then there was "Mojito Madness", while I would have chosen mayhem or malarkey in lieu of madness as a personal preference in chaotic adjectives that start with an "m", I did appreciate the only name that seemed cohesive with the color. As you can guess, it was green. Bright green. Madness.
"Stylenomics" was a regal hunter green. Okay, I guess I get it, green like money. Still weird. In my opinion, this color should have been called Ivy League.
And finally the one name that really stood out, the only one that I had a bit of a problem with was "Miss Fancy Pants". It wasn't so much the name as it was the color, apparently someone in the nail industry thinks that the perfect color to match a name like "Miss Fancy Pants" is a dark chocolate brown. Am I the only one that thinks that this combination is a bit crude? What exactly is Miss Fancy doing in her pants to make it that dark brown color?
I love America. We're out of our minds over here.
