Lessons Learned from 2012

2012 has been an interesting year to say the least. And while everyone thinks of their New Year’s resolutions, prepares Christmas Dinner and parties the night away - I am taking a moment to look back on things I have learned in this year.

1. I have to say – tough lessons. And made me a little more cynical than I already am – so excuse the sarky tone.
2. There are people I need to thank for keeping me sane this year. I swear if I couldn’t call them and just let them hold me, I would have never made it through. Shali, Jonny, Gava, Jamie, Dinusha, Kahil, Deshanee and Sarah. My Rocks. Thank you for teaching me that at my lowest, my most messed up; you will always see the best of me. You will always tell me what I need to hear and you will hold my flawed self together.
3. When it comes to my relationships – I am a lot more fucked up than I have admitted to myself. I have tried to let people in only for them to fail me, and be unable to see past my flaws. I have realized I have barriers for this reason – and I don’t know if they fail me, or it is I who refuse to let them beyond a point.
4. I am hard to accept, and I am not an easy person to be around. This isn’t a bad thing – it weeds out the weak! But it is something I have learned – that those who wish to be in my life – it’s a lot to take.
5. My flaws are a part of who I am. They make me what I am. They are the scars I have from battles both won and lost, they are the reminders of what I have survived. They are the risks I took, the dreams I lost.

It is much harder to live without regrets than you would imagine. When people deny you the respect you know you deserve, when they let you down, when they disappoint - it is very tough to not regret letting them in to begin with. But you need to look past the anger - and remember what you learn.
2012…you were good at trying to make me believe the best in people. I thought that was the lesson you would teach. Wish you had.