Hanama’ulu Beach Park, Kauai (c) KC Saling, 2007
We forget how blissfully easy life was when we were toddlers. We could cry and scream and throw tantrums when we didn’t get what we wanted and while our parents were embarrassed and tried to shush us, it was, for the most part, considered understandable if not acceptable behavior.
I would have paid a lot to be able to designate about 15 minutes of “toddler time” this past Friday just to throw a horrible, awful, screaming, crying temper tantrum. Seriously, it was that kind of day. And since I’m going to tell you about it, I’ve included in this post the most calming and peaceful photos from this and my previous sojourn in Hawaii that I can find.
Byodo-In Temple, Valley of the Temples, Oahu (c) KC Saling, 2008
It was not a terrible, earth-shattering, life-changing kind of day. I’ve had those before. This was the kind of day where nothing big went wrong, where the sun was shining and life looked like it was going to be pretty good, but…every little thing that could have happened…happened.
Little things like my cell phone company turning off my service again because they still hadn’t fixed my bill. Like my cable company charging me triple the quoted price for installation on my bill. Like waiting two hours in line for the DMV only to be told that I needed to go back to the port and get a VIN verification because I didn’t have the right shipping documents. Like the most unhelpful FedEx employee ever making me jump through six thousand hoops just to do what Air Canada said to do, FedEx my broken suitcase to their suitcase folks for evaluation and repair/replacement. Like finding a leak in the upstairs sink that has done a number on the vanity cabinet up there.
Little things. Little things that, on top of certain monthly hormonal imbalances, make you want to throw a childish screaming temper tantrum and leave you on the verge of tears all day.
I had a non-amazing, non-earth-shattering, no-good very bad day.
The most frustrating thing about normal, run-of-the-mill crappy days is that the problems they present are so mundane that we shouldn’t be thrown by them, right? I mean, anyone with a good set of coping mechanisms is pretty good at putting things in perspective. Whenever anything upsets me, my husband is pretty good at pointing out that things could definitely be worse {and while that usually isn’t what I want to hear at that moment, he’s got a point}.
These aren’t bad problems that I had to deal with. They’re little problems, little things. But not only was I frustrated by all these little things, I was frustrated that they were able to get under my skin and get me so angry! I mean, seriously. I’ve been to combat a couple times. I’ve lost loved ones to cancer. I’ve had family members go through significant health crises and real difficulties, and I’ve been through real difficulties myself. Why should I be so angry over little difficulties?
It’s not abnormal. In fact, when you’re monitoring your stress levels, consider this:
Your stress levels can reset themselves over time.
A lot of my friends out there can attest that when we first get back from a combat tour, life is good. No worries. Nothing bothers you. You’re just so damn happy to be able to go order a latte or get fresh food or take a real shower that nothing else matters. Someone put 2% milk instead of skim in your coffee? No worries, I’ll take it. I don’t care.
And then that wears off. The feeling of euphoria wears off, and little things start bothering you again. And sooner than you expect, you’re back to your regular everyday routine and the little things that bugged you before bug you all over again. Sometimes even worse. Especially when you’re tired.
Hanama’ulu Beach, Kauai (c) KC Saling, 2007
That’s why little things can make you feel like laying down and bawling like a two-year-old. That’s not an option for those of us who want to function in polite society, so what do we do?
Know the signs.
In any situation, knowing yourself is key. Know the signs that you’re getting worn down or that you’re dealing with hormones or that something’s going on in your life that you need to deal with. Are you getting annoyed or stressed out by things that normally wouldn’t stress you out? Do little things that normally wouldn’t get to you have you feeling angry or frustrated? Are you tearing up for seemingly no reason whatsoever?
Whatever your signs are, watch for them. That takes a pretty high degree of self-awareness to catch on your own, but if you listen to friends and family, they’re pretty good at cluing you in. “That’s not like you” or “why are you getting so worked up over this?” can be as much warnings that you’re overly stressed as they are any kind of personal criticism.
Personally, I watch for the tears. I’m very rarely a crier. It takes a serious moment of frustration and rage to bring me to tears normally. So if I’m watching a movie or a TV show and I feel the eyes start welling up, that’s usually my number one sign that I’m getting worn down.
Put down part of the load.
As much as I’d love to tell you to drop everything and seek out some relaxation, I know that a lot of us don’t have that luxury, especially those of us who are primary bread-winners supporting either just ourselves or a family. We can’t just put down our loads and stop everything.
But we can put down some of it.
There are always things that don’t have to happen right away. Things you can put on the back-burner while you take some time to recharge, to get some much needed sleep or to put your feet up for a while or to take a little while to do something you just really enjoy doing. If you have a partner in life who’s willing to help, it’s a good time to tag them in. I’m terrible at asking for help, but I know that if I don’t divide up household responsibilities, I’m not getting it done. On top of that, I married a strong man who wants to be a contributing member of our team, so I’ve got to share.
Even Wonder Woman has to take off the star-spangled suit once in a while, right?
Learn how to recharge.
My husband is terrific about figuring out when I’m pushing my limits. While he can’t take over my job for me, he can pour me a glass of wine and tell me to go blog or work on my book for a while and he’ll either cook dinner or we’ll order out. That’s usually enough for me to reset myself.
Sometimes I need more than that, though. Sometimes I really do need a mental health day, and while I can’t always take a day off of work, I can at least make sure that I budget enough time on the weekend to get that recharge. I love my weekend getaways, but it’s not always the best thing to plan a big eventful trip on top of a really stressful week. Other times, getting away from it all is exactly what you need. Our trip to Canandaigua back in May was a perfect example of that. We got ourselves away from everything that could have been a possible distraction – TV, house chores, computers, cell phones – and just spent time decompressing together.
And sometimes all I really need is to get up from my desk and go for a fifteen minute walk, just to get a change of scenery, get some good old vitamin D therapy, and get the brain flowing to my head again. That’s enough sometimes to change my perspective, relieve the pressure, and get me back in the action again. Never underestimate the power of a little physical activity to improve your overall mood!
If you’re feeling frazzled, it helps to know what you really need to do to feel better again. Do you need to sit out a couple of rounds, or do you just need to take a knee for a moment? Do you need to get a change of scenery, or just get that blood flowing again?
You’ll be amazed at how little it can take to get yourself up and going again once you really learn how to recharge.
Koko Crater Botanical Garden, Oahu (c) KC Saling, 2013
So don’t let those toddler meltdowns happen. Recognize the signs that you’re headed in that direction and figure out some way to take a breather. I did that this weekend. After the debacle that was Friday, I gave myself a breather.
On Saturday, I went to Home Depot and got what I needed to fix that leak, called my cable company and phone company and {crossing my fingers} got all the bills fixed, and put together all the documents I need for the DMV so the next time I have a chance, I can take care of business. But first, I gave myself some extra time to sleep in and spent some time working on the garden and the yard out in the sun. And afterward, I took myself out for my first pedicure in months. On Sunday, I went hiking with friends. And today, I went for a nice therapeutic run.
Stress: managed.
This Week…
My Focus Points
Here are my goals for this week:
- Mindset Goal: Scott’s in Florida for a while, getting our kitties out of quarantine and helping a family member through surgery, so my goal is to keep supportive and positive so that it goes quickly as my six weeks of training at Fort Lee did earlier this summer
- Work Goal: there are two HUGE opportunities out there for my career progression, and both need application packets – my goal is to get those started this week so I can make the submission deadlines without stress
- Home Goal: I met with our kitchen designer and got our design last weekend, and got paint samples of all our colors {which we successfully picked out last week, along with patching all the walls} – my goal is to figure out which colors are going to go where, and where we’re going to put beadboard this week.
- Fitness Goal: start running again, plain and simple. I don’t care if it’s a half-mile, I need to run. I need the physical activity to keep my batteries going!
- Life Goal: text and/or talk to my husband every day during our long-distance time – the amount of quality time spent together is different for each couple, but it’s really important for both of us to feel that connection {quality time is the number one love language for both of us} so I want to make sure it’s there.
How about you?
Do you have any significant goals to set this week? Anything you’re going to focus on? Comment below or post a link – I’d love to hear what you’re up to and how you’re taking on our challenges!
If you’re looking for more ideas on little things to tackle to improve your life, check out the Weekly Wishes link-up at The Nectar Collective!
Have a wonderful week!
KCS
