As this year comes to a close, I reflect on the “new” and would personally like to burn the “old”. Oh not old friendships or anything like that, but I chose not to dwell in the past as it’s over and we have to take this minute by the hand and hold on for dear life before something tragic happens and the moment is gone. There have been some horrible things happening in and around my friend’s lives this year and I let it get to me at times. I have said this before, but when something happens, I actually place myself in that person’s shoes for a minute. I zone out, and become them for a second. I imagine what it must feel like to get the news they just heard, or to go through whatever they are going through. I have tried to stop this process…much like that new movie that is coming out based on an old short story called The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
So far, I have not been very successful. There was cancer news, deaths of family members and friends, deaths of pets, depression, divorce, loss of homes, illnesses that tear you a part from the inside out, injuries, debt, and the suicide of a high school friend. I am sure I am forgetting some bad news, but that is why I say I would like to burn the old. I have held on to my hope as best I could for this year, but another sad thing happened to my brother’s friend on Christmas day.
What I am doing now is pushing through all of that and focusing on my new goals. Making new friends with the same goals makes my work easier. Realizing that I know what I want, on the cusp of what will be year 40, yes, that year, does not scare me (getting asked for my ID might help me be less scared, ha). So I’m going to tell you what I said to my daughter the other day while pumping gas. I said I want to be financially secure enough to hand out gift cards to people I don’t know, with no strings attached, so that they can buy whatever they need. Groceries, presents, gas, or just pay doctor bills. My work with people of poverty reminds me that we still have much to do for those who have fallen on hard times. One day, I hope to be able to ease someone’s burden. One day soon.
