[October 3]: The Bitter Cold Of Restraint

If I told youThat when you cry,I desperately struggle with myself,Wavering between crumpling up With you in my arms,Or remaining calm because someone has to stay strong;Would you believe it?
I've been called frigid, unfeeling,Always concealing, incapable of healingMy damaged emotional identity,But what do you know about my feelingsExcept what I show you?
What do you know of whether I sense tremendous pain and guilt,Sorrow and pride,Incensement and uncontainable excitement,Behind the walls I builtTo keep you from lookingInto my private little cornerWhere I keep every single emotion of concernTo myself?
If I reveal everything to you now,Where does that leave me?Pages opened to the windTurned at its tempestuous whim,To pages I cannot read,I will not read,Do not make me open and turn over these leavesWith rips and tears, large blots and dark stains;I would rather not display these early memoriesOf what happened when I was once so open,Before I bound the book compactly,Securely.
Surely, you must understandWhy I do this.Surely, you must understand that despite my claimsTo withstand heat, and fear the coldThere are some fires that I would neverEverLeave myself exposed to.
Call me a coward, maybe,But do not call my burning heart and soulCold.------October Poetry: in the style of April Poetry (U.S. National Poetry Month),U.K's poetry month is October.Personal Mission: 31 days, 31 poems.Challenge Accepted.