I wasn't planning to write anything anytime soon but there was something that got me, got deep under my skin. There are times when I try to rationalize why some parents leave their children behind and never go back for them, about why are they so terrible at parenting or are they ? There are thousands of reasons why parents leave their children, reasons like they're afraid of commitments, responsibilities, think they're too screwed to take care of kids when they weren't taken care of as they were supposed to when they were kids themselves, they don't an example, don't have a starting point, that way being selfish 'cause sometimes life or in this case, raising kids, is about taking chances, learning on your own, nobody is perfect and I'm sure your kids will accept you as a parent with all of your imperfections. Still, thousands of kids are left wondering why their parents left them, is it because they are not loved anymore, is it because of something they did ? 'Cause they'll behave and never ever do wrong again. Most of the time it's not because of something their kids did, they just leave, just because they weren't ready.
I wanna draw a bit more attention to those parents who knew that by staying with their children they would mess them up, do harm, bring damage, they knew better that by staying they would hurt them, that's why they left, somewhere deep inside them they knew they wouldn't make good parents as everyone knows parenting is not for everybody and if you don't see yourself as parents that's ok, you can make a good friend, a good uncle or aunt or maybe it must pass years before you decide of having kids of your own, you shouldn't listen to what society tells, it doesn't know any better than you do.
But back to parents who left and never came back, their children will wonder and will never stop blaming themselves, even for a little, even if they shouldn't do that, they must think that their parents made them an ultimate gift, the chance to grow up without being beaten, abused verbally or physically, suffering form hunger, being hated, slapped around. The kids who were abused receive the skill to read micro-expressions in a very short amount of time, either disgust or anger, they have no problems detecting these micro-expressions, this way auto-protection kicking in. In a way it can be considered a a gift, being able to read people so easy, but from another point of view it's a burden as knowing what people think and feel about you might stay in your way of letting things go and simply be happy, might stay in your way of becoming friends even if those friends might never last, but you won't know that 'cause you never let your guards down, because they were down once and you got hurt and you don't wanna let that happen again, you simply can't take that risk.
I'm addressing myself to kids all over the world who were left by their mothers or fathers, some of you will never find closure, you may never find answer to the "why" question but try think this way, they left because if they have stayed they would have hurt me in so many ways and I wouldn't be what I am today, I am a great person and I wish I could say it was thanks to them but I can't, either way it's because of them.
Not all of you can think this way because the pain you felt while being kicked from one foster family to another might still be fresh and it made you hate your birth parents even more, for not taking a chance on raising you and giving you a future that you deserve but remember that there are millions of kids who's parents never left and they still got abused, they still got hurt, so please, some of you, feel lucky that your parents left, you got your amount of pain but it's comforting when you think of tons of pain that those kids feel because their parents never bothered to get to know what a real parent is. We are all victims of abuse but this doesn't mean we get to mess our own children, we must learn from our parents mistakes and never ever repeat them, if you did you have no excuse. Don't be a piece of crap of a parent because of your parents, be a great parent because of them, it doesn't mean you must give them credit, give yourself credit that despite having crappy parents you have risen above, if your parents were horrible to you and you still managed to become a great one you deserve a medal, because before you became a great parent you got to go through tons of crap, your life was dozens of times more difficult comparing to others.
Think about it, some of you have the chance of letting what happened go easy, use that chance and be free of the burden you have been carrying around for years, I wish I chance but I don't. Do it for me, do it for those who can't let go, or simply because their circumstances don't allow them to. It's complicated, it will always be but it can become less complicated and that is something you should settle for.
This is kinda it. I have written one article about parenting before this one, if you still got some time to spend don't hesitate to give a read to"Be The Best Parent Your Kid Can Have".
Be well and be good to one another and step by step you will make this world a better place to live in.
