See all these beautiful pictures? Know where they're taken? Janesville, Wisconsin. An absolutely gorgeous area, pretty little downtown, population of about 63,000, mostly white, mostly middle class. It was the home of the first Wisconsin state fair, and boasts 20% of Wisconsin's buildings on the National Register of Historic Places. Until 2008 the oldest GM factory in North America was located there, making me, being me, think of That 70's Show (which if you'll recall was set in fictional Point Place, Wisconsin).
Know what it's also home to?
This guy:
Now what's really worth mentioning is that when I did a Google Images search of "Paul Ryan," the "related searches" bar came up with this:
Uh....shirtless? ...Abs? Surely, a joke. I mean he's not horrible-looking, like, say, Newt Gingrich. But are enough people trying to find naked pictures of a vice-presidential candidate that TWO versions of their searches pop up right next to "paul ryan congress" and "rep paul ryan?"
What I'm really doing ranting about this is putting off clicking on those search options. Because I admit, my curiosity has been spiked, but at the same time I'm a little afraid to see the search results. Gah, I'm such a coward. All right guys, I'm going in.
Holy damn.
I'm going to share. Are you ready for this?
Ummmm....
I'm finding myself distinctly uncomfortable. I mean we all know I have a weakness for those Wisconsin boys (Tyler's from a town only a couple hours from Janesville), but I have never found myself attracted to a political candidate I despised before. In fact the only politician I've ever been attracted to at all was Barack Obama, and that was considerably more focused on his charming smile and considerably less so on his chest and shoulders. Gulp.
This man holds views you despise, Samantha. Remember that! And despite having a weatherman-style boyish face, he's actually the same age as your mother. Okay?? This post was supposed to be about how someone who sucked came from a super gorgeous place! And then fucking Google Images turned it into this absurd struggle between my brain and my hormones.
Oh shit. And now further research has shown that Smallville's Tom Welling, one of the most across-the-board, perfectly attractive actors Hollywood ever produced, also lived in Janesville as a child.
God help me.
Okay, we're going to get serious about this guy (to take my mind off his physique). Now Paul Ryan is more a budget guy than anything else, and that's a subject I've always found a little intimidating. When it comes to fiscal matters I often find myself not informed enough to form a solid opinion, so I'm going to skip right past those with only this input: I have no fucking clue. Paul Ryan might be a fiscal genius or a total loon, and trying to decipher which is true is giving me a headache.
So let's address some matters that I do have distinct opinions on:
-Abortion. I fully support another person's right to be of the opinion that abortion should be illegal. I also support my own right to disagree completely and mock them heartlessly on my blog. Mr. Ryan, your abortion-related opinions suck balls. Even in cases of rape or incest?? Seriously??
-Women's health. He voted to stop funding Planned Parenthood and Title X family planning programs, he thinks emergency contraception shouldn't be available over-the-counter, and counts in-vitro fertilization and even certain forms of birth control as abortion. He believes states should have the right to criminally prosecute and punish women who have abortions (even in cases of rape or incest, and even within his very broad definition of abortion).
-LGBTQ rights. Mr. Ryan strongly opposes same-sex marriage and opposed the repeal of DADT. He also doesn't believe same-sex couples should be allowed to adopt. Gross.
-Gun laws. Now here's something that often surprises people about me: I do fully support the right to bear arms. I like that there are certain regulations for it (I mean let's not be extreme here), but I support the right. I also like that each state has the freedom to regulate it as they please. I believe it really is a constitutional right, even though of course firearms make me nervous too (they're dangerous! that's the point!) and I don't prefer them myself even as a self-defense weapon. A crowbar will do me just fine in a zombie apocalypse or a break-in, thanks. Paul Ryan is very pro-gun and I'm actually totally okay with that. But what I don't like is this: he supports federal concealed-carry reciprocity legislation, one of the NRA's pet issues, which would allow people who hold concealed-carry permits in one state to carry them concealed in every other state. But my friends--that's just as bad as making a federal law to ban them in all states. The whole point here is that it is each individual state's constitutional right to make their own laws about this shit. If South Carolina wants to let anyone carry anything and sell it paperlessly to whomever they want the day after, let 'em. But if New York doesn't want people to carry their machine guns tucked in their coats they should be allowed to make that law too, and just because you're from South Carolina doesn't mean you don't have to follow New York's rules while you're in New York. Honestly, that's just good manners.
On a slightly more light-hearted note (that still speaks volumes), Rage Against the Machine's lead guitarist Tom Morello responded in Rolling Stone to Paul Ryan's declared fondness for their music, "Paul Ryan's love for Rage Against The Machine is amusing, because he is the embodiment of the machine that our music has been raging against for two decades."
Lol.
*
