"I ain't never seen nothin' like it, Officer. Water was comin' from the SKY, so 'course I done steered right into another car."
2. The only trolls I fall for on the internet are the Portland-bashers. Hence my response to this article (6 Reasons Why Portland Sucks For Single Men):
I grew up in Portland, and then I lived in upstate NY.
I found the latter absolutely appalling, and I'm chalking up your asshole 'tude to being from there.
Maybe the kind, fit women of Portland would be more willing to talk to you if your nose wasn't stuck up your own ass. Portlanders don't like pompous east coast jerks.
I'll give you the part about the weather. It's depressing and dreary and definitely makes you want to crawl into bed all winter. But what cracks me up is that everyone in Portland is crawling into bed all winter WITH everyone else. If you're not getting laid in PORTLAND, there's something seriously wrong with you.
I'm not normally so rant-y, but I'm also not normally so disgusted. So.
3. I hear any weather warning except "earthquake" or "flooding" and have an absolute panic attack. For example, this is part of today's forecast:
Oh, you know, just a tornado or two. A TORNADO OR MOTHERFUCKING TWO.
Screw errands, I'll be staying in the house today, thankyouverymuch.
4. I scoff quite arrogantly at people who use umbrellas.
5. I'm shocked every time someone orders a cappuccino thinking it's the same thing as a latte.
What gives away where you're from?
Proof I'm From Portland: Part 1
