This is one of those long, get-to-know-me posts. You see, my life is full of a lot of zany characters. I write about them quite often, so I thought I’d finally list them all for easy reference, along with a single post that might explain them better.
I’ve also selected actors to play them in the movie of my life, because even though the movie of my life would be a major snoozefest, I couldn’t do a post without pictures! 
Since it is unlikely that it would ever be made, I took the liberty of casting cartoons, and actors both living and dead. Of course there are many other characters– in-laws and grandparents– but most stories revolve around this main crew.
Scattered about this blog, you’ll find their real life names. It’s not a secret or anything, I just haven’t specifically asked permission. (If I ask, they’ll grant permission, but then they’ll start reading this blog.)
So for now, they will remain by the titles I’ve chosen!
Dave
Dave is my husband! I married him on December 26, 2006. He is a full-time artist and author, and his pen name is Grayson Queen. One day, that’ll be his real name, and I’ll probably still call him Dave. He’s a blogger, crafter, and illustrator in his spare time. Dave is an extremely picky eater and his diet is further limited by his diabetes. He is a water person, a Pisces Monkey, and a super geek.
- Rara, Plain and Tall
I’d cast Brandon Routh because he’s a Dave lookalike. This picture confuses me every time I see it. The sign helps.
Perdita
Perdita is Dave’s cat. She’s a fluffy grey lint ball with strikingly long legs. She is a rescue who started life on a rough note, and she still suffers from the occasional bout of anxiety. When she’s done chasing after string or bread tags, she very carefully drowns them in her water dish. She sleeps upside down and is, quite literally, always dirty.
- Of course, of course
Flash
Flash is my cat. He’s your standard alley cat personality. He is also a rescue, but was born into care and had a sort of spoiled first months. He loves Chinese food and mochas. He is a clean freak with a basic vocabulary of words that he regularly puts to use.
- I made this : kitty scratch pad!
Nermal, World’s Cutest Kitten… from the Garfield cartoon
Dad
My dad is a genius. Not just in the he-can-solve-a-rubiks-cube math nerd sort of way, but in a rough-around-the-edges tycoon genius sort of way. He is blind due to complications with diabetes. He loves numbers, precision, bad jokes, and hot Indian tea.
- Everybody’s Got a Mama
Pran is in his nineties now, but back in the day, he was a perfect cast…
Mom
My mom is also a genius, though it’s not her most noticeable trait. Mostly, she is a teacher (a professor, actually, with a focus in early childhood education) and a mother– and those labels are far more visible than anything else. She’s a superstitious chatterbox with a propensity for taking in strays and feeding strangers. She’s a believer in nearly everything, but she believes in you most of all.
- Happy Birthday, Mom.
Lupe Ontiveros recently passed away, but she was always top of my list to play my mother.
Big Brother
My big brother is 12 years older than me, married, and has four kids– Nephew 1, Nephew 2, Nephew 3, and Niece 1. He helped raise me, and fittingly– I helped raise his kids.
- A Buffalo Nickel Short
Kal Penn — a great cast for my big brother because his versatility *might* be able to play all the different roles and jobs my brother always has at the same time.
Big Sister
My big sister is nearly half a foot shorter than me, but she counts her curls, giving her an extra inch of height. She is married, and has two kids — Niece 2, and Niece 3. She’s bossy, like all big sisters, is better at math than I am. She’s fair-skinned, terrifying when she wants to be, and a hippie mama.
- Sweaty Yellow Angels
Norah Jones– another lookalike.
Little Brother
My little brother is in the Navy. He’s big and gruff on the outside, and squishy like a teddy bear on the inside. He’s just a couple years younger than me. He likes to talk about ninjas and sword-fighting, war and weaponry– but when you’re not looking, he picks up litter and pays for other people’s lunches.
- The Day the Fridge Fell
My little brother is best described as Gru, from Despicable Me. He likes to think he’s a tough guy.
Baby Brother
In real life, I have so many stories about my baby brother that people request them. “Tell a story about baby brother,” they say. My baby brother was born with a way of seeing the world that most people strive for through classes, cures, and booze. His glasses aren’t just rose-tinted, they positively sparkle. He’s a calm defender of the people he loves, so they are fierce in their protection of him. Sometimes, however, he’s an entirely different crazy person– so I would cast him as a shapeshifter.
- The Big One Oh
Pooh, like my baby brother, have an internal zen that can only be imitated, never matched.
Ken Jeong– are you my spirit brother?!
Baby Sister
My baby sister is a firecracker. I mean that in almost every sense of the word. She’s blinding, magnificent, small but gigantic, colorful, noisy– and very often smelly and dangerous. She is dynamically intelligent, ruthless, and wildly inappropriate. People are often lulled into a false sense of safety around her, because of her appearance. Fools, them.
- “A Book — Written by Me?” is a story written for my Baby Sister
The first time I heard Whitney Cummings speak, I was shocked. She was like a tall white version of my sister.
The Bests
Whenever I reference one of my best friends, it’s one of these guys.
“Trion” – The couple-name we gave to our favorite cuter-than-us couple.
“X” – Fierce and fabulous, recently married, will one day travel the world with a single bag of clothes and solve world problems.
“A2″ – Named a decade ago when I kept an online diary, and he worked with someone called A. He’s my go to guy for everything business related ever, and we always say that Dave and I shared him as best man at our wedding.
“London” – My online friend for over 15 years. Nothing cheers me up like speaking to someone who knew me when I was into boy bands and can still manage to treat me like a human with a brain.
- My Secret Toast
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These “Cast Your Life” prompts always go around, and I always stumble when it gets to the part where I’m supposed to cast myself. I think if the story of my life was made into the Rated-R-Roger-Rabbit-esque monstrosity that I just cast, I’d just be a narrator.
Do you hate movie that are narrated? Who would play you in the movie of your life? Do you have a love/hate for any of the characters I’ve mentioned? Have you ever assembled one of these cast of your life things? If so, link me!
