When you are single, you are on the continuous search for finding a partner. Of course if you are sworn off dating that would invoke a totally different article.
Once you are in the dating pool, you try anything to get a date. If you live in a small town, county or country, your dating pool is limited. Often, even if your dating pool is large, such as in a large city such as Toronto, where do you meet all those singles? Who wants to go out at night to a single’s meet when it is freezing out there, or raining, or sweltering hot? Personally if a gorgeous babe with a killer body comes to a single’s meet and because it is so hot she removes her shirt, I will not stop her. A real gentleman! I hope she will not stop my heart or maybe make my eyes pop-out of their sockets. But we all have to go sometime, don’t we? Better to go with a smile from ear to ear. Is it not?
When looking for a partner, you look in multitudes of places. I am actually like Larry Laffer who went looking for love “in oh so many wrong places.” What have I not tried? Dating sites, pick-up bars, the hospital cafeteria, a family dinner, a dance, twitter, Facebook and the list can be endless. One woman actually turned round to me and said, “Get away from me you creep!” I don’t think she was very polite. I think I will stop stalking her.
What happened to the good old days when we were living in caves? Those were glorious times. You saw a woman that you liked; you approached her and then clubbed her over the head and dragged her back to your cave by her hair. The system worked. In computers they always say: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
You may go out on dates often, even become a serial dater. Not sure where you draw the line between a serial dater and a compulsive dater but let us leave that issue to the professionals. The main issue is to not give up. You need to enjoy the dating experience no matter how many dates you have been on. You never know, the next date that you go on could well be the ONE. If that ever happened to me, my friends would be running out of the woodwork yelling at me to run while I still can. I am a glutton for punishment and so I continue regardless. Why should I listen to them? They are all old men already. Each with droopy eyes, constant frowns and the mark of someone realizing that death is near. Wait a minute; they are all younger than I am!
A woman approached me via a dating site. You know those free sites that you are free to add your profile and to search for the next babe that catches your eye. The only problem is that when you want to receive a message your goose is cooked. A woman sends you an email. You look at her profile picture and wonder why someone who looks like Sofía Vergara from Modern Family would approach you. Now you need to decide whether to pay for a subscription or buy an Armani suit.
I did hear that Sofía Vergara recently separated from her boyfriend. If anyone knows her, you can tell her that I am still available.
The woman who approached me sent me three messages. I felt like yelling out “if I have not answered by now, there must be a reason.” Well there was. I had not paid for membership. But Sofía beckoned at me and I succumbed to my male tendencies and paid for membership.
I replied to the lovely lady. She sent me her telephone number. Oo-la-la. Romance is a foot. She was not Sofía Vergara. Her name was not Pam.
I spoke to her on the phone. I cannot say it was that pleasant. She seemed to have a smoker’s hack or maybe she was just recovering from a cold. Maybe someone will say it was a sexy husky voice. All I heard was a smoker’s hack. Every time she spoke and said something that had a “ch” in it, she seemed to spit. Am I glad this is just on the phone.
Despite that I made arrangements to meet her, despite her husky, smoker’s voice. I was still hoping that she was recovering from a heavy cold and she would get back her sweet voice which I had never heard. You never know she may be the last girl I date, either because she is the ONE or else she is a serial killer and I am her next victim. Well as my ex once said, maybe Sasquatch Yakitori. Anyhow, we made arrangements for Thursday at 8:30pm.
On that Thursday, at 5pm, a wave of tiredness suddenly came over me and I called her up and told her. Nope, the husky voice was still with her. I said I would prefer to meet her when I am more alert. She SAID she understood. Nowhere on her profile does it say that she was a smoker.
I asked her about Friday night. She seemed to like that idea. I told her that I have supper with my brother and his family until 9:30pm and could meet afterwards. She agreed, “Call me at 9:30 and I will give you my address.” Maybe she gave up smoking only recently after her two packets a day habit?
At 9:30, I obediently call her. No answer. At 9:45, no answer. At 10, I sent a text message and bid her good night.
At 11pm, she sent me a text message and said that she had just woken up. If you had read my first book, this is what happened with Sally, Satan’s sister. Is it a common thread or threat?
She proceeded to ask how my evening was. I told her and then mentioned that I was now going off to sleep.
I was asleep, having a beautiful dream of nothing at all when I get a text message from Pam: “I hope I will see you tomorrow.” She woke me up for that? I did not answer, I went back to sleep.
At 5pm, she calls to ask if we are meeting. I told her that we had not made arrangements and I was in the middle of a report for work. I did not want her to think I was fobbing her off, so I asked her about Wednesday night or Thursday night. Pam said it sounded fine, but we will talk before that.
Monday night, I called her and ask her out for Wednesday. “Sure. It sounds great. Fetch me at 8:30pm.”
I said, “I will call around 5 and get your address. See you then.”
She answered, “I am looking forward to meeting you Lawrence.”Again that smoker’s hack.
On Wednesday I called her at 5pm. No answer. Twenty minutes later, she sent me a text message “I am at work until 9:30.” Huh? WTF? We had arranged for me to fetch her at 8:30. If she was stuck at work, could she not have the decency to let me know? Maybe it was something else she smokes?
Then she asked “Who is this?” She claimed she lost her telephone and had no numbers. I wonder if that is the only thing she was missing. Next!
Lawrence’s note: This story was originally intended to be published in the Mouithsone magazine but seeing as that is non-existent and they are not answering emails, it will be in my next book.
