I started a blog because it was a big empty space. A space where you didn't need to bring anything with you, which was perfect- because I had nothing except my words, my husband, and a mentally-woven quilt of my life experiences.
I looked at this big open field and started filling it up with the things I knew for certain.
- I live in Orange County.
- I am married and a good world-citizen.
- I love being me.
- I love so many different types of people that I probably love you.
- No one is reading this.
- Often I do too much.
- Regularly I read too deeply.
- And, sometimes, I spin.
The list seemed so small.
I would tell friends that I had lost everything, not knowing that just around the corner would be a time where I would lose 438 days, my husband, my company, and nearly all the physical things accumulated through my adulthood.
At work, Diamond Mike and I often talk- about everything, but especially human nature- and one of our favorite truisms is that if you empty, someone will fill.
It's human nature.
An empty tabletop becomes cluttered.
An empty bowl becomes filled with trinkets.
An empty blog develops walls.
The walls seem harmless at first.
As when you drop keys into a decorative bowl, you think to yourself-
Well done, me.
This will keep it sorted.
This limitation will allow me the necessary structure to be purposeful.
I'm building a better life!
But then you realize that full bowls don't prevent lost keys,
and good walls don't make good bloggers.
They just make trapped bloggers.
And you have to wonder-
what am I walling in?
What am I walling out?
* * *
For me, I consciously walled out a huge portion of my life recently. I made a sister-blog, to post my life goals.
It made perfect sense.
This isn't a "Finding Myself" blog.
I don't know what it is, but it isn't that.
It wasn't that.
Or is it?
My readers don't want posts every 17.5 hours. Or posts that are just 100 words, or screen shots of social media conversations, or ones that mention the same five readers over and over again.
Or do they?
Or does it matter if they do?
It's funny how often I have to put myself in check. I very rarely commit to regular prompts because I know that those are walls I won't necessarily want to walk around every day, or week, or month. I avoid those walls with ease.
My pitfall lies in the fact that I try to stay organized and I love my readers.
(Anyone who doubts that has never had coffee with me and seen me ooh-and-awww over my totally-inappropriate-oftentimes-silent stalking of your lives.
Other people know what Tom Cruise had for dinner.
I know how many bloggers adopted an animal in August.
Everybody's got a hobby.)
In the last year, things have changed for me.
- I live in Los Angeles County.
- I am widowed, and a felon.
- I love being me.
- I love so many different types of people that I probably love you.
- You are reading this. And you might not even be a blogger who found me by accident. You might not even be a blogger. But you are definitely important and loved.
- Often I do too much.
- Regularly I read too deeply.
- And, sometimes, I spin.
I really have no idea what everyone wants, so instead I'm going with what I need.
And I will include helpful notes for you all, with total and heartfelt understanding if you're disinclined to continue along this ride.
I love you, after all.
Whether you're reading me or not.
That much- despite all this change- has stayed the same.
What this means for you, Best Beloved, is I will try to designate future posts by their "type" to make it easier for you to decide at a glance whether it's a topic of your interest- but I basically intend to make this place a veritable smorgasbord.
I'll try to keep it organized.
No promises.
Because a promise will be a wall.
... and we're tearing all those down.
I know that was a round about way of saying what needed to be said, but I did warn you.
Sometimes, I spin.
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Comments closed, friends. Don't worry, we'll have plenty of time for chitchat soon as I flood you with random posts.
