Self Expression Magazine

Suicide is Painless

Posted on the 25 August 2012 by Eugeniusgenius @eugenius_genius
Suicide is Painless This is one of those subjects for which you don't have an introductory sentence. 
I'll begin with a short story about a childhood friend, her name was Kate and she was two years younger than me, her father has worked in agriculture, her mother didn't work anywhere, her family was pretty much financially challenged and the fact that we [still] live in a country where everybody worries about today and besides worrying about tomorrow wasn't helping either. I remember her being a very frustrated kid with serious anger management issues, often shouting at her friends for no apparent sane reason. On a random day I went to her to talk about something, I don't remember about what, it's not relevant anyway, but I distinctly remember her saying to me and I quote "I think I'm gonna kill myself" and since the concept of suicide was very strange to me at that point in my life I assumed she was bluffing and told her like any other sane and a bit carrying person would say "don't do anything stupid, everything will work out". Apparently I was horribly wrong, she killed herself that very same evening.
I remember coming back home from somewhere and passed by her home and saw a lot of people but I had no clue about the reasons of their gathering, I learned about it the second day, my father told me and I couldn't believe it, there was too much denial, after a while I accepted the truth but there was no way I could move on, you can't move on from something like this. Of course, I blamed myself and still am, I blame myself every time I hear someone ended his life.
Some people will judge them, even after death, since you can judge while being alive I guess there is some truth to whether there is or isn't life after death. Many people will not understand no matter how much they try, the victims of suicide often go to the grave with all the reasons why they did it and it's sad 'cause I'd want them to be understood but we all know that's not going to happen, some people are just born to judge others, without it they can't live.
For ending their lives so abruptly, sometimes without leaving an explanation of some kind, they will be called many names, among them is selfish, for not thinking about the ones that are left behind, who now have to mourn their loss and deeply regret that couldn't do anything to save their loved ones, but also there will be people feeling guilty for pushing them over the edge but that applies only to people who have a bit of conscience. 
I'm mourning the loss of every boy and girl, man or woman who didn't see a solution other than ending their lives before the actual term, I'm not pointing fingers at others, I'm pointing fingers at us all, some of us indeed couldn't do anything but there are some who could but didn't do anything, didn't care, let the natural selection take its course. 
Is suicide a sign of weakness or a sign of strength?
It's debatable, apparently the victims of suicide didn't have a well support system put in place and every bit of strength changed into weakness but there is no way in hell it was their fault for that, I'm sure each victim did everything he could to stay alive and fought for as much as it was possible. Also, I see it a sign of strength, it takes guts to take your own life and not back out in the last moments of their lives, it shows courage for deciding not to put up with crap anymore and took charge of their life and decided that living it they way they did isn't worth it anymore. Maye at some point it was worth the fight but as the time passed they saw it was all for nothing. 
Should you blame yourself for not being there for them? Yes, you should. You declined the chance of being a part of their support system that involves understanding, listening, telling the truth, giving solutions, practical solutions not just some theoretical crap, help them build their strength from scratch 'cause being on a verge of suicide there isn't any left. I'll mention understanding again as the real reasons for wanting the leave the world might scare you so if you think you're not ready to ear them find a replacement for yourself who will. If you still don't know how to help just ask them, they know how, it's just no one bothered to ask them if they need anything, they might say they need nothing but you need a bit empathetic and feel their needs, call them on their lies, in a demotivator I read "Sometimes when I say I'm ok I want someone to look at me and say "I know you're not" and hug me", they will say they're ok but most of the time it won't be true. 
I'm not condoning their actions but I'm not blaming them either, I wouldn't want them to leave, not just yet, not until it's the actual time but I will understand as we are at fault for making their worlds so unbearable for them that they couldn't stand to be in them for any longer. I'm gonna do the very best I can so the people I love stay with me as long as possible and I hope they'd be open enough with me and tell me everything it's bothering them, for starters I can promise confidence and mutual trust, and if they need anything the know where to find me. 
Sometimes what they're looking for isn't moral support at all, they need to be saved from the places they are in surround by vicious people who live to hurt them, victims of abuse, both verbal and physical, they need a new identity and a new life that unfortunately not anyone can afford of providing them with. Sometimes actions is need as soon as possible but most of the time we come to their rescue too late. 
All I'm saying is, I guess, save them but if it's too late already understand them and respect their decision and don't judge them as you may not know how would you have done if you were in their shoes. 
Now go, save some lives. Be good to one another and by doing that you might save a life.

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