The Indian Army: a Dream Or a Fantasy.

It happened to me less than a month ago.. My college, took us to MHOW [abbreviated as Military Headquarters of War] a cantonment near Indore to introduce and to let us know the basics of Indian Army and to see how these respectable army men actually spend their lives.
We woke up at 5 in the morning, and took the bus from one common pick up point at around 0600 hrs.
With our best set of shoes and a comfortable outfit, everyone of us [we were nearly 300 in numbers] went prepared well enough to spend a day with the militants and practice if given a chance.
The 1st session was awesome. We sat uphill and saw a dozen or two of tanks and missiles running all around and a demonstrator was indicating everything, that was going on, on a map and a simultaneous commentary was going on as well.
We enjoyed every second of it, and even made notes.
I envied the soldiers who was running those tanks and had the privilege of shooting the missiles.
I cursed my life and luck, but came to my senses after a minute or two.
We were happy to be at least being photographed with those "Larger-than-life" machines.
We were not allowed to take photographs but later they only asked us to keep the pictures away from Social Networking sites, Facebook and Twitter to name a few.
The 2nd session was the best, for the first time in my life, I saw a missile being fired with my naked eyes, the sound it made was a smashing roar or what we call a blasting experience of your ears.
I tell you a fact, those missile went upto 1.5 kms without even shaping itself in a curve. Once it take a projectile motion, you can imagine the rest.
Then we had tank ride, on top of the tanks we sat and roamed for half an hour around the base,  it was a great experience.
There happened the Mood Swing.
I was tired by then in the scorching sunlight.
I wanted to go home and sleep by now.
They took us to another session to show some canon shot.
Honestly Speaking, I did not want to sit there for even a second. I asked myself, can I be an army man, and I answered me as well, "no way". I am just not an army material.
And now the thought I gave to it.
I mean, I love my country. I really do. I can help it by doing good for the society, but till that day, I wanted to be a soldier somewhere deep inside my heart.
But I found it more as a job, and not as a service to the nation, rather I help the poor everyday on the streets by providing food, cloth and shelter to them.
I came to this conclusion, almost 80% of us, civilians, talk of going to army or envy their life. Realize if its really a dream or just an infatuation or fantasy. Most of us don't really deserve that 'sacred' place, talking is the shittiest thing we do all the time, but doing is what it really takes. 
I did all the big-mouthed-ness too till the day when I spent some 10 hours with them, and now I admit, it was only a fantasy for me. I don't want to be a soldier anymore and above all, honestly I can't and I don't deserve it.
I am not hating myself today, not loving either.
-Amrit Rukhaiyaar