5a.m. Early. Dark. Need to still be asleep. Scratch. Scratch. Chew. Chew. No, this was not my husband trying to wake me up. It sounded like something was above me in the ceiling. The only problem is, there should be anything above me but attic space. Gnaw. Gnaw. Chew. Chew, chew, chew. More creepy annoying noises followed. I jumped up out of bed and went in my daughter’s room to grab a stool, ran back, grabbed a cowboy boot off my floor, and beat the ceiling. This did nothing really, but leave a scuff on my ceiling. Ha.
IT IS 5 A.M. I am awake and angry. I beat some more. Eventually the noise stops. The next night, the same thing happens at a different time. Not sure if maybe it thought that time would make me less angry, but since I had been reading about possible reasons for this noise, I was prepared. I ran and got the foul-smelling bottle of some ridiculous spray, maybe Dr. Doofenshmirtz has invented a squirrelinator gun, but I didn’t currently possess one, put a ball cap on, screamed a battle cry and banged on the attic door to let it know I was coming, busted up the stairs and said “take this” and sprayed this mock-animal pee smell in the direction of the noise.
It got quiet. Mu ha ha. I smelled gross. Ha. That was a tie. The following night it was at it again. Clawing. Creeping, Chewing its way through my house. This was not happening. I am going to get you. Unfortunately, none of the “Turtle Men” type services had called me back. My husband finally found a service that could come out the next day. That meant one more night of the noises. By the time the guy arrived the next day, I was willing to offer him a cobbler and some sweet tea just to get this thing gone. He was only going to do an “exterior” check and offer 3 different solutions, all at different prices. I said how about this, go in the attic, get to where it really is, and then we’ll see. He did NOT want to go in there, but I shamefully batted my lashes and said please. He went. I went. I showed him where I thought it was playing. Ick.
That night, I slept peacefully. It did not make a sound. It was caught in a trap on my roof. A humane trap. He came the next day and took the thing away. He has to come back next week and do the same thing “just in case” there are more. Let’s just say it made me want to clean out the entire attic, which will be the next step. Sigh.
“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.” ~Mark Twain
