I got this from Pinterest (as you do.) Unfortunately I closed the window on it before I could link it.Let's go back to when I was 19. I was studying for my HNC in Advertising. I was in a very unhappy relationship. And I honestly didn't feel 'complete.' I felt like parts of me were missing, scattered somewhere, and that I couldn't possibly pick up all the pieces to figure it all out.My boyfriend at the time wasn't very helpful. He never wanted to talk about anything serious or not relating to string theories. He put the relationship last, all the time, and with that I always came last in his list of priorities. I think I was happy with this because it meant I didn't have to try hard, either. When I think of the relationship now, 7 years later, I see fracture lines and then I see the gaping holes where everything went wrong. One selfish teenager and one selfish twenty-something year old trying to make a relationship work.I remember there being many occasions when I knew it wouldn't work out between us, but there are a handful that really stick out in my mind. Not for any great reason, I suppose I just remember events in a strange order. I remember his parents had gone away on holiday and I'd come over that day to bake lots of vegan treats. I was trying out new recipes and experimenting with different ideas I had - at the time I had this idea/passion that I would one day have my own vegan food range and/or my own bakery - and he was testing these ideas. Well I'd made everything, cleaned up everything, stored everything in the fridge and then went home. The next day I dropped round after a college class and the kitchen was a mess again - just a general mess, with dishes and whatnot scattered all over the place. I bypassed the kitchen and went straight to the living room. My boyfriend was in a panic as his parents were due home either that night or the next morning (I forget which) and the place wasn't looking it's best.Being in selfish mode I honestly didn't sense his urgency to clean up, nor did I want any part of it. I hadn't made the mess, that was the point back then and I didn't feel the need to help. I didn't see the need to help, either. He could do it after all, couldn't he? It wouldn't be that bad. I can remember, even to this day, the tension that was in the air as he cleaned in the kitchen. Maybe that's my own perceived tension, I don't know, but either way things were awkward between us. I went through to see if I could help and he simply put a spray bottle and cloth into my hands without saying a word. I set to work on cleaning the cooker, work tops and anywhere else that needed my attention. I began to see that I had probably caused some of the mess and missed it - and even if I hadn't caused any of the mess, wasn't it better to help? My relationship 7 years ago and my marriage now have parallels at times, excepting that I've outgrown my selfish ways. I don't overlook or under appreciate. But the two men in question have such similar personalities and it's something I hadn't really seen until last night, in a 'discussion' about where my energy could be better used. Obviously this marriage and this relationship is better and different - otherwise, why would I marry Bryan and not my ex? - and I'm not suggesting that it's completely the same, because it's not. I've learned from a bad relationship and I am now learning from a good relationship.But there are parallels. Does that worry me? Not in the least. We fall in love with people and their personalities. And although there are massive differences between people, there are amazing similarities as well. I remember a few weeks ago asking Bryan if he ever thought about how his life might have been with other people. My motivation in asking this stemmed from the fact that I was thinking about the above story I've shared with you today. I got thinking about that situation, that little slice of boring, domestic life together and thought about how every day, for the rest of my life, that could have been my life. That awkward tension. The selfishness. The silences unless they were filled with anything but talking about the relationship - about reality.And to be brutally frank I am grateful that was, and is, not my life. That I didn't break free from my 19 year old chrysalis and emerge trapped under the pressure of all that. And although I was sad to end that relationship a year later I was also so relieved. Life now is filled with different challenges but this time it's easier to breathe. I always knew I would marry young, but when I ended that relationship it was hard to see a way to that. Bryan was my 'missionary friend' and still needed to sand down the sharp edges of his personality. Although I'd made no secret of 'finding someone like my friend Bryan' to marry, I didn't even put the pieces together to see that all along it was him. I thought it would be fun to maybe hang out a few times but I knew he was serious about things - and well, I wasn't. We all know how that ended ;). And you know what? I'm glad.Glad I took the risk - although, really, it wasn't much of a risk...There are things I'd improve on, sure, like making Bryan more house proud and organised but there are things I wouldn't change and things that are just 'there', naturally, God given? His desire to be married and have a family to cherish is the biggest thing I wouldn't change, especially in a world of deadbeat dads and selfish husbands.And although there are parallels to the relationship I had 7 years ago and my marriage now, Bryan's heart and soul is not something that can be paralleled by anyone. His desire to do what is right, true and just can't be copied and it's something I've rarely seen shine so bright inside someone. He never does things he doesn't want to do - which brings about frustrations at times, but for the most part this is good. When he made the decision to eat vegan I knew he was doing it for his own reasons and the fact I was vegan was just a vehicle into his choice, making it easier for him.But there is a point inside that remark that takes me back to my original story - there will never be any resentments on his part for the choices he makes or the things he does because his choices will come from him, informed by others. My ex used to make choices based solely on what others thought and then put his desires second to that and that bred resentment and tension.The resentment and tension mounted and mounted until we had a blazing row around all our issues. We used to hurt each other a hell of a lot. I would cry more times than I would laugh. We'd argue more than we'd hug or show any kind of affection. I was scared to say what I really wanted, because I knew what I wanted most was out of the relationship - but I was scared of how he'd react to that. I was scared of where that would leave me and I honestly didn't want to lose him.When that relationship ended I felt like a new person. But as horrible as things could be, I believed he was this great love of my life. When things were good, they were really good. But when things got ugly...they were horrendous. At the time I believed in soul mates and I honestly thought 'this is it.' But how could that be?One person. Forsaking all others - and all other opportunities to love ever again. Yes, we all know that's what a marriage is but to me 'soul mates' don't make sense. What if you find your 'soul mate' and they die? What if they are abusive? Nasty? A person who is so flawed that you can't stand being in the same room as them? When me and the ex broke up so many people wanted all the details of the break up. And I only shared half the story with one close friend. Even at that I didn't go into any details at all. It just made it easier all round. I also avoided seeing or speaking to him for two months.When we were together I made sure that I rarely spoke about the whole relationship and I kept my relationship a secret for a very long time. Why? Because I knew it wouldn't last and that it wouldn't work out. We were together for a long time, but it was more off than on. I was also ashamed of the way I was behaving around him and I didn't want others to tell me to get a grip.The truth is that we broke up because his desires didn't match mine. He didn't want to get married in the temple and often made fun of this - which broke my heart. He didn't want a family, which was fine by me because quite frankly I didn't want a family with him. It would have been all wrong and although it's heart breaking to write this I am glad we never wed and I am especially glad that we never had a family together. I know he's happy with that, too, because in hindsight we were two very silly and selfish children playing at being adults.So even though there were heart aches and horrible things that happened, it all paid off. When someone tells you, one day it will all make sense, they are not far wrong. Listen to them. And wait for a bigger and better improvement in your life. To be with a man who not only desires, but whose goal it has been to enter into the temple with their wife, to be sealed for eternity is a huge improvement from where I left off 7 years ago. To be with a man who desires to be with me for being me leaves me speechless. To be with a man who desires marriage and all the blessings it brings is something I struggle to put into words. And to have a child with a man who wants, dreams, hopes and desires for all these things is awesome. So when everyone told me, "IT'S TOO SOON! DON'T DO IT, YOU'LL LIVE TO REGRET THIS!", I present to you this post and my thoughts all cobbled together. And perhaps if you thought we'd rushed things or moved too quickly then things should really start to make sense by now.
