Self Expression Magazine

Today by the Numbers.

Posted on the 07 January 2015 by Gray Eyed Athena @grayeyedowl

6 pounds gone in 3 days
1 banana
2 interviews
12 handshakes
3 mugs of tea
16 ounces of water
1 boot on my car for unpaid parking tickets
$300 to get the boot removed
14 degrees f. outside
1 slice of chicken breast
6 cough drops
4 long & gasping moments of grief
1 highly emotional conversation with my stressed/pessimist parents
24 hours with a racing pulse and pulsing vision.
16 push-ups (dying, low energy)
1 aching heart.

I lost Chase and that’s not what I wanted. We’re not in the same place of relational readiness and that’s okay. But it sure as hell does not feel okay.

I’m not handling it well. I fasted for 48 hours, smoked some pot, vomited bile and then passed out. Twice. Vomited and passed out twice.

I woke up the next morning and started my fast again. Broke it today with a banana between interviews. Yes, I hate it. I’m weak and watery and ill. But it’s the only thing I know. I miss him.

Chase, I miss you.

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