Today I Cuddled A Dog

It was a puppy I think, since it's tiny. I've no thing for small dogs. I don't like their cuteness. The dogs we had years ago were big ones. Pure askal, but the handsomest and smartest askals in the world.
Today I cuddled a dog. It's my suking carenderia's dog who always loafs about in the store. I ate outside because I ran out of drinking water. I am thinking of refilling the water jug but it's too big, I don't think I could carry it from the other block. I was paying for my meal when this dog faced and smiled at me. Growing up with dogs beside me, I knew how to pet them the way they want it. So I softly rubbed her neck and smiled at her. Her terrifying round black eyes gazed at me that I immediately looked away. Never seen such scary but happy eyes. When her owner came near us, she hugged her like a baby who wants to suck her mother's milk. I left smiling. I've never cuddled a dog for a long time. Ever since I lost our second dog, Shadow, I kind of stayed away from man's default best-friend. And obviously, I've been missing a lot.
I deactivated my Twitter account yesterday, just in case some here followed me. I've been feeling heavyhearted and I thought that shutting my doors would keep me at ease. But I think everything's getting worse. I haven't done anything extraordinary these days. By extraordinary, I mean hardcore studying and stuff like that. I am in this what-am-I-doing-with-my-life situation again. I don't know. I watched Sleeping Beauty on Youtube to remind me of my lively childhood, and of happy endings perhaps. I watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button for the nth time. If my sister was here, she'd totally judge me by the bucket of tears I shed at the end of the movie. I guess, I needed that movie to justify the sadness I'm feeling. I also need to cry so I could fall asleep because there are a lot of things going on in my mind. There's something wrong with me.
Thank God my mom's home. She's home for good. She called me like three times yesterday asking how I'm doing. She must have felt my unhappiness. Remind me always to never doubt a mother's instinct.
I guess I need to feel the warmth of the sun again. It's like it's always nighttime where I am. But what is wrong with nighttime? Isn't it a good time to ponder on things? I hope I could pull myself together before it's too late.
I want a dog. And I can't wait for Christmas.
x